An Interview With Myself

Because I haven’t yet proven to the internet that I’m a total nutcase.

It’s been two months since your last post. What the hell, man.

I know! In the last post I mentioned a bad sinus infection. Well that sinus infection turned into bronchitis which turned into pneumonia. It was a painful month. I am not a “good” sick person. What I mean is some people just carry on and being sick is an afterthought. I act as if the world is ending, being sick is all I can think about and eat tub after tub of ice cream to get myself through the ordeal. I now have a new obsession with Airborne gummies.

Anything new? (lol)

Lol no. Never. I still love my (new-ish) job. I still have tons to learn. They tell me it takes a year to get accumulated but I still hate feeling like ‘damn I’ve been here almost 4 months and some of these questions I have are so dumb.’ It’s challenging but fun. It’s great working with so many young people. We just had a happy hour that went on for 4 hours.

How goes the weight loss thing?

Good! I’m feeling more dedicated than ever. I’m down a few- yay!

Fitness?

UmI still haven’t gotten myself to a beginner yoga class like I keep saying I will. In my last post, I mentioned I was unsure about my future with my gym, Merritt. A few days after that post, I saw a great Labor Day offer at a gym near work and signed on the dotted line. It’s 1/3 of what I used to pay! Fabulous. It doesn’t offer classes, which I’m fine with at this point as I feed my new barre addiction at Rev. Join me! Tuesday nights with the amazing Janet and then if I’m not hungover..Saturday mornings with the kickass and crazy cool Mary. No more 4 am gym wake-ups. I really can’t believe I ever did that. Now I head to the gym at 5:30 when I am freed from work to get in some cardio. Most nights after I get home from the gym I do a quick Tone It Up workout while watching TV. I’m also trying to drink more water and just be more active. I walk to the farthest bathroom at work, I park far away from entrances, etc.

What are your favorite TIU workouts?

I’m so glad you asked, self.

Arms

Arms/Abs

Booty

Kettlebells 

Kettlebell 2 

Thighs

Total Body

Total Body 2

Total Body 3

You (we) have mentioned before that developing healthy eating habits and finding healthy options is difficult. Is it getting easier?

Uh, kind of. If I don’t buy bad things, I don’t eat them. Isn’t that the craziest thing you have ever heard? Now you know why you read my blog…for all the breaking news posted here. Ahem. The binging and weekends are still a problem. That’s not news. For some reason, I always am at the grocery store hungry so I often derail myself. I still fall victim to “oh let me eat this trader joe’s cookie butter ice cream and then tomorrow I’ll get back on the straight and narrow” Then tomorrow comes, and oh yeah, I bought Cheez-its at Target because they were on sale and oh well it’s Thursday, and the weekend is so close so might as well just eat the Cheez-its and get the fries at the bar on Friday and we’ll restart on Monday. I see this quote on pinterest all the time and it makes so much sense. Every day is an opportunity to get it “right”, not just every Monday when the week restarts.

Healthy snacks..I’m turning more to apple slices, grapes, chobani flips, smoothies (this TIU one is my favorite at the moment. i slurp it down in seconds. i hate the word slurp but it’s what happens. i always add spinach to it just for fun), string cheese, cheese/wheat thins, raisins, larabars. Fun. I CAN’T GIVE UP ON GOLDFISH THOUGH. They’re my everything.

Still hate cooking?

Yup. Still real bad at it, too. Still hesitant to use the stove. It’s all so very pathetic.

 You’ve tweeted about Stitch Fix. How is it?

When I read about Stitch Fix on every blog in America, I was like YES! I don’t have to leave my house and I can be spared emerging from dressing rooms and handing my whole armful of clothes back to the attendant who chirps “You’re not keeping anything?” No, no I’m not, and I’m frantically trying to forget the whole horrible experience. Dressing rooms are horrendous. So with Stitch Fix, you definitely pay more for the convenience, but it’s so nice to just try things on in my room and be stress-free. I don’t feel rushed. I can mull the potential purchase over (for up to 3 days with Stitch Fix) rather than feel as if I have a few minutes. Plus, I have zero style. Zero. Therefore it’s probably good to give over some control to professionals. There has been a few items in each Fix where I was like “$48? There is definitely replicates for $19.99 at Kohls or Target.” But there’s been some major wins. This is where I wish I took more pictures of myself. Also, the Stitch Fix linked in this paragraph is referral link.

What is going to happen to the blog?

Yeah. It was password protected for a little. I’m torn. I really like blogging. When I had just moved here and was friendless, blogging was absolutely instrumental in helping me meet an amazing group of people here. I’ve also met a bunch of other incredibly cool group of people through blogging who inspire me. But! I once pinned something on my Pinterest from a “big” blogger and my friend told me she clicked the pin and read that blogger’s whole entry (she was like “why did she write all that about oatmeal?” ha) I flipped out because I knew I had commented on that blog entry a long time ago and I was nearly sickened to think my friend might have found my blog. I don’t know. As far as I know, she never did because why read the comments? But the prospect of her finding it- and my subsequent reaction – was alarming. Like, why am I blogging if I flip out to that extent at the idea of someone I know in real life reading it? It’s not that I’m ashamed of anything on the blog. It IS how I feel/think, and I’ve said before I’m 9000x braver and more candid on the blog. It’s a personal problem (like, oh, I don’t know, I’m a lunatic), not a blog or blog content problem. After all, local Bmore bloggers read the blog and still agreed to meet me in real life, so it can’t be that bad, right? 😉 So I don’t know. I’m definitely more wary of the Internet and think “maybe I should stop making a fool of myself onto the world wide web as a legacy for everyone to see”. Then I write a post like this. I’m a mess. So all this is to say, I don’t know. If the blog ever disappears, I’ll still be obnoxious elsewhere…like on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and e-mail (cityandthecubicle at gmail dot com).

Thank you so much for your time. I knew how busy you are watching SVU and Criminal Minds marathons, avoiding laundry, and reading romance novels, so I am appreciative of you carving out time to do this.

You’re welcome.

Forgot About Dre

This post has taken two point five weeks to finish and publish. This does not mean to raise your standards.

I love the new job. Love it, love it, love it. We’re crazy busy right now, but it’s all going so well.

 The only downside of the job is how much I hate my commute home. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Leaving at 5:30 I’m right in the middle of all the rush hour traffic. My office is 15 miles from my house, yet it takes over an hour most days. It’s heavy traffic, construction, and Ravens/Orioles traffic on top of it. The stadium traffic all gets off at my exits. Why did I want to move to a city again? Haha. I hate driving so much, and my drive home probably isn’t actually that bad, but it really stresses me out. And now that I get home at 6:30-ish, suddenly everything I’ve ever wanted to attend in life is at 6 PM. Sucks.

 I’m doing better at eating healthy although I’d really like to track and see how many calories I am eating per day. I used to be, at best, mediocre at this but the whole tracking every morsel thing is tiresome (mad props to those who faithfully keep it up) and I kept forgetting to track. Some days I’m just like ughhhh sure I had 3 cups of feta in my salad, I DON’T KNOW. Some days, when I’m on my food prep game, I feel like I just might be eating too many calories considering my activity level is somewhat low. Some days, the calories are definitely too little. I keep meaning to do a WIAW to show it all off but..Wednesday keeps catching me unaware. Weekends are still an issue, like they have always been, but we’ll get there. Some day.

 Fitness. Hmm. I’m on the cusp of a new routine. <— That! That is the sentence I believe jinxed the post. I made that proclamation via keyboard then I got knocked down by a sinus infection that just wouldn’t quit and sidelined me for over a week and made me the enemy of all co-workers who sit near me. So, this new routine is walking. My office is on a 2.3 mile loop. It took me a dumb amount of time to realize this. I’ve always loved to go for long walks (now I sound like an on-line dating ad cliche), so the next day I packed a bag and changed at work at end of the day. Of course, I continually run into co-workers after I change. I still feel extremely embarrassed, like I have been caught stealing the Crown Jewels. One girl asked what I was doing, so I told her i was going for a run. Yeah, I straight up lied. What is wrong with me? It’s pretty dumb to feel so awkward about it but rationality isn’t a strength of mine. 

The route.

It’s a supremely nice, safe route. I feel really lucky that this is right outside my office. It’s really cool to see all the bikers, runners and walkers out on the loop, so way to go Columbia for helping people stay active. The arrival of pumpkin everything makes me sad because I know I won’t be able to do this walk forever since eventually it’ll be cold. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. The big bonus is that walking the loop twice takes me about 1.5 hours, so when I do get in my car and pull out of the office parking lot, I’ve missed a lot of the traffic. Score! So, weather, preparation (one day I only packed one sneaker. yep), and schedule permitting, I do this at least 3 days a week. While it’s not heart-pounding cardio, I burn over 300 calories according to my Map My Walk app.

 

A surprise diversion on the loop. But it’s a fun one. 

I also am trying to get back on the bike. The spin bike. I can’t quite figure out my relationship with spinning. I really like sitting down and spinning away, while playing with the resistance to make the ride harder. I hate the standing up part. I’m SO freaking bad at it. I can manage like 10 seconds total. I know I’m out of shape and so it’s going to be uncomfortable and all that, but sheesh. I really loathe it (the standing up part) more than anything else I can currently think of that’s fitness related. Can I just sit down and spin the whole time? Can that be a class? Normally I’d just toss spinning aside as another Thing That Caitlyn Can’t Do And So Hath Abandoned. So why do I keep wanting to go?  I think it’s all Rev Cycle Studio’s fault. I just love that place. The instructors are all amazing, and so nice. The place has such a good vibe. That makes no sense.  I’m there every Saturday morning for barre with Mary and I just like being at Rev. This is big because as we all know, I hate being anywhere that reminds me how out of shape I am. So if you’re in Bmore and want to join me once a week at a 6 am spin class, lemmmme know. You can kick off your morning with a good, hearty laugh at my performance. 

But! What about the gym you used to go to all the time? Yeah. Hmm. It doesn’t make geographical sense to go to the location I used to go to (my gym is a chain), on weekday mornings because I’ll hit tons of traffic for endless miles. I really don’t like the locations near my house and just feel uncomfortable there. So. My gym and I are kind of at a standstill. That I’m still paying for. 

 Remember that couple I posted about a few months ago? He passed away a few weeks after I posted. His wife wrote an amazing blog entry entitled “Rest In Peace My Sweet Husband” which you can read here. I cry every time. They also blogged their 5 year journey to cancer which is linked at the top of the post. So amazing and so inspiring. Whenever I feel myself being unnecessarily whiny, dramatic, or just acting like a bee-yatch in general, I remember their posts and how Dan lived. At his wedding he hugged me and told me “I’m so happy you’re here today” and meant it. I was a complete stranger! All he knew of me was that I was his now brother-in-law’s best friend who was obsessed with weddings. He visited 52 countries and 44 states in 33 years, and judging by the amazing posts on his Facebook wall, left an immeasurable legacy everywhere he went. It’s weird how much his death has affected me. Sometimes I get both angry and sad that such a GOOD person isn’t here anymore. Like, really? Keep all the jerks around but take him? I can’t pretend to understand now but maybe someday. 

MIMM: Old Job, New Job

I’m linking up with Katie today because things have been marvelous around these parts. Here are some updates about the last days at the old job and the first days at the new job.

I am already so awkward but these goodbyes at the old job! Super weird. Especially because the majority of them were people that I liked and got along with, but knew I wouldn’t keep in contact with. Ya know? One person advised to “enjoy your life”, and I was like “Errr. Okay. Yeah. Will do. Thanks.”

I chose not to tell old job co-workers where my next job was, since my new company is owned by an (old job) competitor. So, when people at work asked, I said “I’d rather not say”. My dad and friends assured me over and over this was a standard practice, but I still felt like such a sketch-ball saying it. The reactions varied from, “What? Why? Did you sign a NDA? Is it not official? Well that’s weird, why won’t you say? When will we find out? That’s silly!” were a few of my favorite reactions. I still haven’t updated my LinkedIn because co-workers from the last job are blowing up my profile with views. Mwahaha.

About the new job! I’m doing social media full-time. It is SO great so far, but it’s only been a week, haha. The first week week was a lot of training and orientation. I am just trying to familiarize myself with ALL THE INFORMATION. So much information. And so many faces and names that I somehow cannot grasp despite writing notes like “julie – yellow shirt”. Well, the next day when Julie probably isn’t wearing a yellow shirt? No clue who she is. I’ve found myself wishing for the month to go fast so I feel more acclimated and am more settled because I really like it so far and can’t wait to get up to speed and feel like I grasp everything.

The interview story. It’s classic. It spread to a bunch of people in the office and it’s fun to hear their side of it. Apparently everyone was gathered around the interviewers’ desk, trying to find out what was going on, while she was on the phone with me. A few people commented my first day “We were all trying to get you here [that interview day]! We were so pulling for you!” Anyway, the crazy interview was a really good intro. When meeting people, they’d jokingly ask “How was your drive? Was your drive better than last time?” And it was the perfect springboard to banter back and forth, and circumvent the repetitive “hi, nice to meet you”.

Unlike my old job, there are lots of people my age and they’re all so nice and funny. A bunch of them invited me out to the Orioles game with them on Friday night. I was really nervous as I’m definitely still very much in that “introverted new girl, no clue how I fit in, try not to kill them with awkward” phase. I may or may not have given myself a pep talk on the way there that consisted of “just be cool, for God’s sake!!!” But, and I’m trying not to sound manic, I really did have so much fun. It was one of the best nights I’ve had out in a loooong time. 

Right now I’m sitting down the hall from all the people my age, seated with the summer temps, who are gone all day. It’s pretty isolating and lonely. BUT! In a few weeks, we’re all rearranging so I will be closer to them. It will be good.

My new building is huge, and it also has something I’m super pumped about: a cafeteria! I haven’t seen it yet, since I’m sure I’ll get lost, and nobody in training has time for that. But in time. I don’t have high expectations for it, but still. A cafeteria!! I’ll keep you posted on this exciting milestone.

I used to work 7-3:30 and it was the best. I freaking loved it. I didn’t realize how much I loved it until I didn’t work it anymore. I would be home by 4 pm and I’d have an hour in the kitchen by myself to make tomorrow’s meals and throw something together for dinner. I went to my weekly happy hours at my favorite bar at 4:30, and it was the best to be there before any crowds. Have I said yet it was the best? My last week at my old job I was a little bored and ordered some bras off Amazon. I definitely was not thinking about my new hours and that I wouldn’t be the one to pick the package up from the neighbor. My roommate (the guy) had to pick up my packages with a label that loudly proclaimed they were from Lingerie Diva. Cringe.

Now I work 9-5:30. I am adjusting. It is exciting to have more flexibility in the morning. I can sleep later, I have extra time to make a smoothie, I can go to more morning fitness classes. The first day, it was incredibly weird to be sitting at my desk at 3:30 and realize I had TWO MORE HOURS remaining, but so far it really isn’t too bad. For my first week I kept waking up at 6 a.m because I was so panicked that I’d somehow still be late. I’d just watch TV because I didn’t want to risk falling back asleep and not getting up. Dear Routine…. I miss you desperately but we’ll figure it out.

Saturday morning, I went to Rev for Mary’s barre class. I was so excited to hear they were adding it to the class schedule. With my new hours, I can’t make it to her class at my gym anymore. But Saturdays at 9 am? No bueno. I was a little hungover from the Orioles game and put on an even more miserable performance in class then my usual horrible standards. I really like barre though so I hope to make it out to her class every week!

Whew, that was a lot. Thanks to Katie for hosting and have a marvelous day.

I Have A New Job

I have good news!

If you’re my mom, your thoughts immediately jump to “ooh has a boy decided to date you?” No. Don’t get your hopes up.

It’s official: I have a new job!

I’ve been looking for months and it has been a looong process. I hate the whole song and dance of job interviewing so much.
The finish line to this accepted job offer was mercifully short but in typical Caitlyn fashion, filled with silly. At one point my dad sighed, “I just can’t believe the life you lead. Why does this happen to you?”

I applied on a Saturday afternoon. I received an e-mail Monday afternoon asking me to complete a digital interview. Have you heard of those? It’s the way of the future, I expect. You log onto a website and film your answers to a few interview questions. You have 30 seconds to prepare and 3 minutes to answer. I sat down to film downstairs with my top half in a suit and my bottom half in sweatpants. The first question: “Why is your experience a good fit for the job?” I began to answer “My experience is a good fit for this job because….” Then nothing. A pop-up on the screen announces the connection has been lost.

The digital interview site reconnects me within minutes, and I am aghast to learn I can’t redo answers. Fine. Answer #1 submitted.  Question #2 was about how I deal with change in a professional setting. This time I said maybe four words before…same thing happens. Internet goes out. At this point I yell “WHAT THE F? OH MY GOD. F!” Then realize that my little expletive-filled tantrum was probably recorded, knowing my luck.

I stomp upstairs, still cursing, to my messy bedroom to see if internet is better up there. The last three questions are like “when can you start”, “what is salary requirement?” and naturally, my Internet works perfectly. I try to imagine the WTF expressions on the hiring team members faces as they watch my 10 second answers to the important questions. I submitted it, humbled and angered, convinced I’d never hear from them again. Off I went to the bar and regaled the bartenders with my tale of Internet connection woe. They found it hilarious, bought me too many shots, and I called sick out of work the next day. Class act.

While I was sleeping off my horrid hangover and nausea, I received a voicemail from the hiring team. They wanted me to call and schedule an interview! I was stunned. 45 minutes later, I had an e-mail sitting in my inbox because they wanted me to come in the next day! Holy hell.

I called out of work again the next day, feigning sickness again. My interview was at 11 am, the office building was 20-25 minutes away, and I left at 10 am just to be safe. If you ever invite me somewhere (please do) I will always be early. Know that. Anyhoo, I arrived at the office building at 11:45. Yeah you read that correctly. 11:45. 45 minutes after my interview was supposed to start.

Something serious (still dunno what) happened on the street where the interview was supposed to take place. There were state troopers, firetrucks, ambulances, sheriffs, police, all flying down the road. They blocked the street off, forbidding everyone to enter. I re-routed my GPS 900 times, trying different routes all with the same result. No dice. I called my interviewer at 10:40. She called me back 10 minutes later saying they had been evacuated but were now back in the building. She told me to keep trying because she thought it was safe now, not to worry, and she’ll see me when I get there.

I drove around some more. At one point I talked to a cop and said “I swear, my interview is on THIS STREET. THIS VERY STREET. I’ll show you my e-mail! Please!” no avail. Not that I thought it would work but I was desperate.

I really didn’t know what to do. They called back once more asking for an update, I kept apologizing, they kept refuting my apology, I kept driving around. I debated asking them if we could just meet at Starbucks or a Jiffy Lube because I was not going to use a personal day in vain. They eventually started letting people down the street and then my GPS got extremely confused about all the developments with office buildings and I, of course, drove around the wrong developments for about 15 minutes. I eventually made it there, practically ran into the building (in hindsight, the running was a tad dramatic). We all had a few breezy laughs about the incident. “It’s normally so boring and so quiet here,” they told me. Of course it is. Until HurriCaitlyn rolls into town.
The interview went fine. A few days later, they asked me to complete a project (they warned me about this possibility in interview) to “make sure I could do what I actually said I could do.” I spent a whole weekend working on it, reliving college where I drank copious amounts of diet pepsi wild cherry, and paced while trying to come up with ideas, convinced there was no way I could ever put anything together. “Why did I even apply? I most definitely cannot do what I said I can do. I’m a joke!” I thought. I was panicked. Welcome to Delusionville, population: Caitlyn.

Nonetheless, I soldiered on, propped up by desperation to get out of my current job and my own pride. I sent off my project, convinced it was the WORST EVER. They called three days later and offered me the job. I took the call in my office building basement. I accepted the next day, and made a palsy negotiation attempt. One of our editors walked by in the basement and I, like the ninja that I am, whipped my sunglasses out of my purse so she wouldn’t see it was me. Clark Kent. Makes total sense.

Speaking of negotiations, I read an article from an HR exec about how men always negotiate, and women rarely negotiate. I nearly had a cow about the thought of negotiating. I kept saying “I feel bad! I don’t want to look greedy! I don’t want to! I’m a happy-go-lucky kind of gal, I’ll take whatever! Team player 4ever.”  I tried it anyway. I was all proud, even though it wasn’t much. Then I heard about my brother, straight out of college with no relevant experience for his new job, negotiated with his company and he got a crazy amount out of them. I still think it’s a little crazy they gave a new college grad so much, but geos to show it’s worth a try. Stereotypes. Played right into it. So, go for it, ladies.

I start on Monday. I’m thrilled and excited, yet terrified. My earliest posts on this ol’ blog were me fretting about how I didn’t know how to fit in at my job. Now I get to redo that again. Yay. The new gig is also in a new town. So I lose my Trader Joes walks, my early morning Safeway trips with my favorite cashier, my comfortable gym (the one I go to now is 25 minutes away from my new job and it’s a traffic-heavy route), but I’ll be gaining so much more! I think this solely because I know there is a Wegmans near my new office and I hear that is life-changing.

A Story You Totally Needed to Know

Listen my children and you shall hear,

how Caitlyn’s acne scarring is almost clear.

oh yeah you can try and say you don’t want to read this post but you and I both know you be lying. Here it is. I finally decided it was time to get a skincare routine. I never had one is because my skin is out of control. What? That makes no sense. Let me explain.

I was breaking out at age 8.  At 13, I went on Accutane – the youngest person my dermatologist ever prescribed it to- probably my biggest achievement in life next to the “best effort” award in 8th grade. I went back on Accutane at 17 and spent many a high school class in the bathroom or the nurse with bloody noses (medicine side effect). It got so bad the dean told me to bring a sweater or extra blouse (catholic school, we had a uniform) so I wouldn’t have to sport bloody blouses all day and look like a heathen. SO many fight club jokes and none of them were impressive. My nose never bled during trigonometry though; of course I can’t get that lucky. My dermatologist debated putting me on Accutane again at 23 but he decided not to after I immediately burst into tears and pleaded “nooo! Oh God please I just can’t do it again!!! I can’t!!!”  For those who might not know, Accutane is referred to as the “nuclear option” for acne. It’s controversial because the side effects are long-lasting and sometimes serious. Every month I had to get blood tests to make sure I wasn’t pregnant because Accutane causes such serious birth defects. Then at 17 I also had to start taking quizzes every month to make sure I was aware of how not to get pregnant. I still have some of the side effects from that damn (but miracle working) pill. Dear Lord Caitlyn why are you doing this to these nice people..okay..hurrying up. In summary, I have an acne problem.

So, I never really implemented a skin care routine because the usual stuff everyone seemed to use or what my dermatologist recommended would make me break out and I didn’t know what else to do so I did what I do best which is: absolutely nothing. That was dumb because you would think with my skin I should have had a skin care routine but I figured not doing anything trumped buying and trying products that would eventually made me break out. I was reading a blog post and this blogger wrote a review for Paula’s Choice. I figured it was nothing special but when the blogger mentioned she’d been on Accutane and it helped her so much…my eyes (?) perked up and I went on the website and did some googling. I was sold. I wish I could remember what blogger it was but I used her referral link so I guess it evens out.

I’ve been using it for over a month and it has helped SO much. So so much. The difference is pretty incredible. I use the face wash, then the toner (with a cotton ball), and finally the exfoliant (with another cotton ball). I also use their moisturizer everyday since my new face medication has my face dried out like nothing else (as if Accutane didn’t dry me out enough! Sheesh). SO the longest backstory in the world was just to tell you this: it worked for me! listen to my tale of woe and learn about how great this stuff is because it worked for me, sporter of horrible skin!  I just couldn’t sit still on the information anymore.

Paulas Choice is pricier than the normal drugstore stuff, but bad skin will always be a problem for me soo I know I need to shell out extra money for good quality and care. They discount their stuff often and if you use my referral link you’ll get $10 off your first purchase (!!!!) but … no pressure. Ever.

**Not sponsored or anything I just love this stuff. I already ordered their sunscreen because…. you guessed it!!!!…most facial sunscreens make me break out…

Also!! in a last minute effort to not come across like the most self-centered person on the planet not named Beyonce, Kardashian or West…have you heard about the Reading Rainbow kickstarter? As a huge reader, a person who knows many people whose love of reading was influenced by Reading Rainbow, and more generally, a human, this makes me SO damn happy I could cry. Reading is so important and Reading Rainbow has already helped so many! After all, if we couldn’t read, how would we ever read posts about a 25 year old’s acne history?! 😉

Now you can totally party hard this weekend because this post has got you in the mood. I know it.

MIMM: On Turning 25 and Getting Back In The Saddle

If you read this on May 12, then it is my birthday!! 25 and cue the quarter life crisis. I’ve had many a ramble on this here Internet space about turning 25 and “OMG MY LIFE ISN’T WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS AHH” and “all my friends have their lives together and I don’t!!!” 22-24 was totally fine, but 25 just seems like a different playing field, overall just different. 25 still freaks me out. I’m halfway through my twenties! Eek! Most of my life I’ve felt the number or stage didn’t reflect where I was. I remember doing a free write in high school creative writing class rambling that I couldn’t believe I was a senior. The seniors before me had been so old! They were so mature!  I didn’t feel I looked like they did, knew what they did, or were as cool/sophisticated (ha) as they were. How was I in their position so quickly? I felt being a high school senior was sprung upon me and I hadn’t met any requirements to prove I was ready yet no one had noticed and just made me play the part of one anyway.

I’m feeling okay about 25 (for now). Meanwhile my parents are freaking out more with every passing day. On Easter my dad leaned in to me at church and whispered, “You’re going to be 25 in less than a month. Are you ever planning on getting married? Will I ever walk you down this [church] aisle?” and every time my mom calls lately she asks if I’m “even trying” to get a boyfriend. Now I just roll my eyes and try to shrug it off at how they value 25. I’m a lot happier than I was on my 24th birthday, so that’s what I am using as my measuring stick. Life is long (hopefully) and now I just stick to what’s meant to happen will happen but am finally accepting I likely have to leave my house more for things to actually happen. 😉

Remember my spin class last year? Horrible memories…me being convinced I would die while standing up and spinning so I took off all of my resistance like a genius. Then I woke up the next day and could barely move. Good times! I still think spinning is a work-out I would like, but I’ve been too intimidated, haha. Rev Cycle Studio opened a mile from my house with Bmore’s top cycle instructors and people have the best things to say about it. I would be like “yeah, yeah, i want to go and try it!” and I honestly meant it but was scared. But luckily Rev dropped a great opportunity right at my feet. A beginners class. Free. Saturday afternoon. Boom. They took away every excuse I could think of. I pulled my usual stunt and booked my bike and picked the dead last row in the corner. I got there and they told me there were 10 people in the class so I could move up a few rows. I still wasn’t sure, but with 10 people in the class it would be uber weird to be by myself in the back corner, haha. A handful of staff and instructors showed up and helped us set up our Schwinn bikes. This was fantastic, since there were so few attendees each staff member could spend time with you explaining everything.

There were ultimately two instructors, Jim and Janet. Janet is a triathlete, and Jim is an accomplished cyclist. At the beginning of the class, Jim explained how to position your body on the bike. Janet primarily lead the class and Jim went around checking on everybody. I remember in the middle of the class thinking “Good God, these two are so kick-ass.” They were so awesome and it was such a great experience for beginners. We did a few climbs and .. guess what .. it was still hard but I managed it much better! I think the Schwinn bike made all the difference. I could see what gear I was at, how far I had gone, calories burned, RPM, etc. Seeing the gear number really helped me for the climbs. Still don’t like the climbs, but I can get through them more easily. I just really like the sitting down part, no surprise there. I still struggled a bit with adjusting my body to the bike. I told Jim (well if we’re being specific, I gasped and panted) that my shoulders hurt and was this normal or was I just being extra wussy? He explained it and helped, but I understand it will still take a few more rides. I walked there and back since it’s only a mile which was great until a thunderstorm rolled in when I was a half a mile from my house with a hoodless jacket. So bad at checking the weather. I sprinted the last few blocks home and my sunglasses fell out of my pocket somewhere which is sad. Anyway…it was marvelous and I am so glad I went! So if you are a Bmore resident who happens to read blogs and haven’t gone yet, go! I’m sure you will be better than I.

I took the day off from work and I’ll probably go back to Rev for a barre class in the morning, then grocery shop, food prep and do laundry. I’m just so crazy. I’ll send you a postcard from the wild side. My mom asked what she could get me for my birthday and I said “protein powder.” Oh how times have changed, haha. I’ll probably go to my favorite bar, get drunk and then ramble about being 25 over a big plate of nachos.

Thanks to Katie for hosting the link-up!

 

I Spent Cinco De Mayo At The Bar(re)

I dunno what it is but…winter. I don’t want to do anything but hibernate in my house in sweatpants and fuzzy socks and just watch all the TV, eat all the bad food and read all the books. Then nice weather rolls in and I’m suddenly thinking “gahhh why are my pants tight?! Why haven’t I been going to the gym? Why have i instead just languished about? Why am I so lazy? SO MUCH TIME HATH BEEN WASTED. Gotta get MOVING.” I’d probably be starring in fitness videos by now if I lived in California.

It was Sunday, I was procrastinating picking out a work outfit and figuring out my work meals, when fellow Bmore healthy living blogger friend Mary posted that she was teaching her first SB Barre class the next day at a new location of my gym that had just opened…aaaaand it was 10-15 minutes away from work. I decided this was perfect because I’d been wanting to try a barre workout…and the best part…it was the first time the class was being offered at the new gym so it wasn’t like I would be a buffalo in a sea of prima ballerinas. It would probably be everyone else’s first time taking the class, too. Hooray.

But first! Before I went to class, I went to the beautiful shopping center across the street which included a Target. I had  a gift card to use, so I threw all this stuff in my cart, then at check-out, the cashier informs me the gift card is for way less than I had thought. Crap. Yes, crap. That’s what I wound up paying for on my credit card. Gahh. Oh well. Great story, yes?

As described on the website, the Soul Body Barre class is an hour long class that incorporates “principals of Pilates, wisdom of yoga, grace of dance and the body sculpting benefits of traditional interval strength training.” And it was haaaaard. I had my usual “oh crap why did I subject myself to this public display of humiliation? Come on, come all, see the 20 something that can’t figure out how to move her body!” thought train that I have for the first 5-60 minutes of any fitness class I go to. It was pretty hectic for a first class. In the middle of it, a gym manager came in and said there were way too many people. At our gym, you have to register for a class a few hours beforehand (or it fills up), and then check-in 10 minutes before class. If you don’t check-in, the wait listed people will get in. Some registered people forgot to check-in, so a bunch of wait listed people filtered in. The manager sorted it out with who had not checked in and told them they couldn’t be at the barre, but it still was an unfortunate interruption for a few looong minutes. Growing pains for a new class and new location!

Mary pointed out something i’m always lazy about – triceps kickbacks. She reminded us “no swinging”, which is pretty much what I always do and then think “What was I thinking earlier on [in the class]? Exercise is easy, I got this, me so strong.” The barre part was crazy hard. She would tell us what to do, and then demonstrate, and I would think “oh look that’s not that bad”. And then I did…and..burn. Such simple, deceiving movements.  Haha.  I definitely want to keep going to her class. I’m so sore, in a good way! I’ve missed feeling this way.

 

1. barre- yay or nay?

2. how did you spend cinco de mayo?

3. think about how to bottle up the spring energy and hang on to it for winter consumption. your homework. go. 

 

It’s Organic Matcha Green Tea Powder!

I love to whine about how healthy eating is hard for me. Wahhh, why don’t I wake up craving kale? Why must I crave poptarts and cheez-its? Wahhh, why does everyone write so many articles extoling green tea and I don’t like tea? Wahh! BUT…there is a solution to the green tea problem that I was unaware of (typical!) until Kiss Me Organics kindly e-mailed and asked if I wanted to try some organic matcha powder. Clap clap. Yes.

BUT…what is it? From their website, “More than simply ground up green tea leaves, matcha is derived from tea leaves grown in the shade so that the leaves achieve a dark green color, which gives matcha its magnificent amino acids.” Cool. The reason matcha is slowly edging out traditional green tea in terms of health benefits is because those who ingest matcha are consuming the entire leaf rather than brewed water. One glass of matcha green tea is equal to 10 glasses of regular green tea as far as antioxidants and nutrients. 

 

So I read the e-mail and was like ‘yeah! THis is super cool!’ And then I remembered myself. Non-culinary Caitlyn, who needs every little kitchen task spelled out for her and spoken slowly, then repeated. I wouldn’t even know what to do with this. But wait! Keep reading, self! The matcha comes with a recipe book that they e-mail to you. 50+ recipes that include drinks (mojitos, green tea lattes, a few smoother recipes), breakfast foods (waffles, muffins, french toast), breads (biscuits, cornbread), pizza (multiple recipes!), desser (truffles! cookies! soufflé! pie! oreo cheesecake! mousse!), entrees (duck!?!, beef, chicken, curry!). It goes on and on but that’s just a sampling.

 

I of course immediately made the “Berry Good Morning Smoothie”. It’s the perfect thing to drink while at my cubicle first thing in the morning and struggling to accept that I am at work…again..for another 8 hour day…and must be productive. I swear the smoothie gives me a perk of energy which is nothing short of miraculous and confusing, because what? Who am I? I am always tired. It’s part of my (always charming) personality at this point. I make this ish every morning. I also made the salmon recipe from the recipe book. Salmon is my favorite food and if it weren’t so expensive i’d eat it everyday for lunch and dinner guh-ladly. My roommates saw me playing with the powder and were like “what the heck is that?!” They were totally fascinated and together we made cookies and put some in there. Rave reviews from all.  I still have a bunch of recipes I want to try..I’m looking at you melon matcha gazpacho and the strawberry matcha sorbet.., so luckily the bag is big, life is long, etc.

 

But wait, Caitlyn! You said you didn’t like green tea! So….how does it taste? Ah, glad you asked. I tried it for the first time in my “wooda cup” and it was not love at first sip. It was a bitter taste. Then I remembered…I was supposed to blend or whisk it well, not just dump it in there. It’s an interesting taste when you first try it but like I said, I have it every day so clearly me and my sensitive taste buds are over it. If I have my act together enough, i also blend some (water + powder) to bring to work but that rarely happens. I can’t ever have my act TOO together because I don’t want to fool people into thinking i’m some kind of responsible, prepared human. They’ll be in for a big letdown.

 

Try it and let me know what you think! Sorry for the no pics….I’ve been out of the diligent blogger game too long.

disclaimer!: kiss me organics sent me this at no cost. opinions are my own….not that these thoughts are so incredible anyone else would want to claim them. 

Five Facts Friday: It’s My Birth Month!

Hiya. Sorry for absence. I usually read all my blogs at work and work is banning everything and watching our computers ridiculously closely, so it’s been very inconvenient, haha. I would loooove to see what they see, but don’t mess with my Internet 😉 Luckily I am still in control of the company Pinterest so they can’t take Pinterest away from me. I have a lot of catching up on blogs to do, oy.

 

1. I have a new roommate! My roommates boyfriend is moving in and the happy couple will be taking over the master suite, so we’ll have an empty bedroom. Come stay over 🙂

My mom’s reaction: “omg what you’re living with a boy? Is that a sin? Wait. Does he have friends who will want to date you?”

My dad’s reaction: “good. I hope people know a boy lives there. Is he strong? Would he win in a fight against a burglar?”

 

2. I love me some reality TV. I tend to avoid the E! channel…because Kardashians. But I’m obsessed with “Total Divas.” I knew nada about wrestling, but it’s scripted drama with hot guys in skimpy outfits. Score. I went to Monday Night Raw last week with fellow Total Divas fans and it was a crazy cool experience. But long. It started at 7:30 and we left around 11:30 when the last match was still going on! I’m too old for this. Then supposedly the place to be was the bar across from the arena and I was like “What? I have work tomorrow. It’s 11:30!” SO OLD. We saw one Total Divas cast member for a total one minute, but it was a fun experience to go.

i took this! that is the official wedding photographer on the left and can you guess that his photo turned out better than mine. 

3. So four years ago my best friend’s sister was getting married. I harassed him for details, “what kind of flowers?”, “what is her something borrowed?” Then he asked his parents if he could bring a date, they said yes, and I got to go! It was the most emotional, beautiful wedding ever. The groom was a year into a battle with leukemia, and at the time was in remission. When the bride was choked on tears getting out the “in sickness and in health” line of the vows, the whole church was in tears along with her. Two years ago, her groom’s cancer came back with a vengeance. They are the nicest people in the world, and their journey has been so, so hard, but through it all, they’ve been so strong and handled it so gracefully. A week ago, the doctors told them there was nothing more they could do, and they’ve met with a hospice team. It’s so unbelievably sad. He just turned 33 years old and his gorgeous bride is 29. I’ve walked around all week with such a heavy heart. I met them once, but they’ve been so inspiring. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers ❤

 

4. My best friend lives in CA now so when he asked if I could pick him up from the airport and drive him 1.5 hours to get home and see his sister and brother-in-law, of course I said yes. Wouldn’t you know, that day was Wednesday. The day of the mega floods on the east coast. The day that got Bmore in the news! My drive to get him home took way longer with rush hour traffic and the rain. Then I said hello to his family, we caught up for a few minutes, and I left at 8:30 PM. It was pitch dark, it was just hammering rain, windshield wipers couldn’t keep up, the highway was under construction with twisty roads, and you couldn’t see at all. The person in front of me knocked over one of those orange construction barrels because they couldn’t see it. I pulled over to make sure they were okay, we talked about how crazy it was, and instead of pulling back out into traffic, I sat there and cried for a few loooong minutes. I was still 45 minutes away from home, and I was so scared, the rain wasn’t letting up, and just wanted it to be over. I really wanted it to be over and I was so terrified. It was the worst drive of my life. I resolved I had to pull myself together because I couldn’t drive in it if I was distracted or weepy. I debated getting a hotel but then I had some steely, stupid resolve that I needed to prove to myself I could do it. This is such a dramatic tale, but sadly this is me. I survived. I got home around 11 and fell into bed and had nightmares. It’s over, I did it, but God I’ll never forget it. Have I ever told you how much I hate driving?

 

5. I’m still trudging along in the fitness and healthy eating. I got super lazy with the worlds longest winter so I added a few layers for warmth, ha. I realize how important it is that I keep my fridge stocked with produce and healthy options otherwise, wouldn’t you know, I get super lazy and fall back into old habits. I still run like a 14 minute mile but…we’re getting there. Very slowly. I need to get back to strength training (ahem, Body Pump)…one day consistency will be mine.

 

Happy Friday pals 🙂 I turn 25 in a week and a half- eeek!

Ten Years

What is wrong with me? I post “why I’ve been blogging less but oh don’t worry I’ll still be around!!!”…then I run away. I suck.

I thought the internet was lacking in a sentimental post so here I am to save the day and make all the readers in the place with style and grace…cringe. In the spring of 2004, I was in 8^th grade. Throughout grade school I played field hockey (fall), basketball (winter), softball (spring). I mostly did it because my friends did it and I had (still have?) FOMO- fear of missing out. Softball was far and away my least favorite, so I finally decided to ~live for me~ and quit so I could enjoy the remaining of my 8^th grade days because I assumed life would be SUPER stressful in omg high school. I think I announced my retirement in a dramatic AIM away message. Maybe with Something Corporate lyrics.

Suddenly I had hours free! So much spare time! It was wonderful….and it jumpstarted the problem I’d have for the next decade. Too much spare time, nothing to do, so I started eating. I ballooned. I’d always been tall for my age, but by 8^th grade, everyone had grown and I had stopped. At 5’2 (maybe 5’3 if you’re in a generous kind of mood). I graduated as the 11^th shortest girl (I commemorated this in my diary so that’s how you know it rocked me to my core) and undeniably a little bit bigger. I remember my mom asking me once “You’re eating again? Are you sure? There’s a pool party coming up.” I was like “What? Yes I am hungry. I’ll be ready for the pool party, GEEZ MOM.” Lo and behold, a few weeks later, I wasn’t ready for that pool party. I didn’t go in the pool. I wore a two piece but never took my cover-up off. When my friends went in the pool, I sat or went to the bathroom to pretend to fix my hair or something.

I quit softball and filled my spare time with mindless snacking. A habit I have yet to break.

It’s hard to accept that it’s been ten years since that spring. I’ve written over and over in lengthy, painful, rambling posts about how I feel my weight and eating habits have held me back. It’s sobering to realize that a whole decade passed where I hated my body, ate more because I hated my body, and yet I didn’t have “it” to change. “It” meaning: the willpower, the mental fortitude, the knowledge of nutrition or how my body worked, the desire to learn all that, etc. I was miserable for so long about how my body looked so I’d eat to cheer myself up after a dismal shopping trip with my mom when I wanted to wear cute, stylish clothes that hugged my body and instead went with flimsy, flowy blouses or to fill a void when I saw my friends in relationships. Whatever. The list and the drama can go on (and probably does in multiple posts on this blog).

I’ve officially been blogging about my grand weight loss attempt for a year. I’ve done really well, then let myself have a reward “just one cheat day” on a Saturday which turned into a Sunday resolve of “ehhh just make it a cheat WEEKEND” that turned into eating poorly on Monday and Tuesday, but I couldn’t re-start healthy eating and living on a Wednesday! That was dumb! So NEXT MONDAY it would begin! Or when I didn’t feel like prepping healthy meals, figuring out what groceries I needed and then actually grocery shopping.

I’ve re-started with the resolve, then stopped, then taken forever to re-start again so many times over the past year. This particular winter has been brutal when I just couldn’t make myself get up to go to the gym and so hibernated in my house binging because it was too cold! The last week has been better, and I realize NOW that I really can’t let myself off the hook too much with “cheat days” because otherwise it just turns into one big, binge-y freefall. Should it have taken me so embarrassingly long? Probably not.

The last year has been one of so much learning, so much stopping, and eventually re-starting. All that matters is the re-start happens and I’m a lot more motivated than ever. Realizing it’s been a DECADE like this helps. Turning 25 in May helps.

It’s been 10 years but it won’t make it to my favorite number 11 🙂