Forgot About Dre

This post has taken two point five weeks to finish and publish. This does not mean to raise your standards.

I love the new job. Love it, love it, love it. We’re crazy busy right now, but it’s all going so well.

 The only downside of the job is how much I hate my commute home. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Leaving at 5:30 I’m right in the middle of all the rush hour traffic. My office is 15 miles from my house, yet it takes over an hour most days. It’s heavy traffic, construction, and Ravens/Orioles traffic on top of it. The stadium traffic all gets off at my exits. Why did I want to move to a city again? Haha. I hate driving so much, and my drive home probably isn’t actually that bad, but it really stresses me out. And now that I get home at 6:30-ish, suddenly everything I’ve ever wanted to attend in life is at 6 PM. Sucks.

 I’m doing better at eating healthy although I’d really like to track and see how many calories I am eating per day. I used to be, at best, mediocre at this but the whole tracking every morsel thing is tiresome (mad props to those who faithfully keep it up) and I kept forgetting to track. Some days I’m just like ughhhh sure I had 3 cups of feta in my salad, I DON’T KNOW. Some days, when I’m on my food prep game, I feel like I just might be eating too many calories considering my activity level is somewhat low. Some days, the calories are definitely too little. I keep meaning to do a WIAW to show it all off but..Wednesday keeps catching me unaware. Weekends are still an issue, like they have always been, but we’ll get there. Some day.

 Fitness. Hmm. I’m on the cusp of a new routine. <— That! That is the sentence I believe jinxed the post. I made that proclamation via keyboard then I got knocked down by a sinus infection that just wouldn’t quit and sidelined me for over a week and made me the enemy of all co-workers who sit near me. So, this new routine is walking. My office is on a 2.3 mile loop. It took me a dumb amount of time to realize this. I’ve always loved to go for long walks (now I sound like an on-line dating ad cliche), so the next day I packed a bag and changed at work at end of the day. Of course, I continually run into co-workers after I change. I still feel extremely embarrassed, like I have been caught stealing the Crown Jewels. One girl asked what I was doing, so I told her i was going for a run. Yeah, I straight up lied. What is wrong with me? It’s pretty dumb to feel so awkward about it but rationality isn’t a strength of mine. 

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The route.

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It’s a supremely nice, safe route. I feel really lucky that this is right outside my office. It’s really cool to see all the bikers, runners and walkers out on the loop, so way to go Columbia for helping people stay active. The arrival of pumpkin everything makes me sad because I know I won’t be able to do this walk forever since eventually it’ll be cold. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. The big bonus is that walking the loop twice takes me about 1.5 hours, so when I do get in my car and pull out of the office parking lot, I’ve missed a lot of the traffic. Score! So, weather, preparation (one day I only packed one sneaker. yep), and schedule permitting, I do this at least 3 days a week. While it’s not heart-pounding cardio, I burn over 300 calories according to my Map My Walk app.

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A surprise diversion on the loop. But it’s a fun one. 

I also am trying to get back on the bike. The spin bike. I can’t quite figure out my relationship with spinning. I really like sitting down and spinning away, while playing with the resistance to make the ride harder. I hate the standing up part. I’m SO freaking bad at it. I can manage like 10 seconds total. I know I’m out of shape and so it’s going to be uncomfortable and all that, but sheesh. I really loathe it (the standing up part) more than anything else I can currently think of that’s fitness related. Can I just sit down and spin the whole time? Can that be a class? Normally I’d just toss spinning aside as another Thing That Caitlyn Can’t Do And So Hath Abandoned. So why do I keep wanting to go?  I think it’s all Rev Cycle Studio’s fault. I just love that place. The instructors are all amazing, and so nice. The place has such a good vibe. That makes no sense.  I’m there every Saturday morning for barre with Mary and I just like being at Rev. This is big because as we all know, I hate being anywhere that reminds me how out of shape I am. So if you’re in Bmore and want to join me once a week at a 6 am spin class, lemmmme know. You can kick off your morning with a good, hearty laugh at my performance. 

But! What about the gym you used to go to all the time? Yeah. Hmm. It doesn’t make geographical sense to go to the location I used to go to (my gym is a chain), on weekday mornings because I’ll hit tons of traffic for endless miles. I really don’t like the locations near my house and just feel uncomfortable there. So. My gym and I are kind of at a standstill. That I’m still paying for. 

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 Remember that couple I posted about a few months ago? He passed away a few weeks after I posted. His wife wrote an amazing blog entry entitled “Rest In Peace My Sweet Husband” which you can read here. I cry every time. They also blogged their 5 year journey to cancer which is linked at the top of the post. So amazing and so inspiring. Whenever I feel myself being unnecessarily whiny, dramatic, or just acting like a bee-yatch in general, I remember their posts and how Dan lived. At his wedding he hugged me and told me “I’m so happy you’re here today” and meant it. I was a complete stranger! All he knew of me was that I was his now brother-in-law’s best friend who was obsessed with weddings. He visited 52 countries and 44 states in 33 years, and judging by the amazing posts on his Facebook wall, left an immeasurable legacy everywhere he went. It’s weird how much his death has affected me. Sometimes I get both angry and sad that such a GOOD person isn’t here anymore. Like, really? Keep all the jerks around but take him? I can’t pretend to understand now but maybe someday. 

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MIMM: Old Job, New Job

I’m linking up with Katie today because things have been marvelous around these parts. Here are some updates about the last days at the old job and the first days at the new job.

I am already so awkward but these goodbyes at the old job! Super weird. Especially because the majority of them were people that I liked and got along with, but knew I wouldn’t keep in contact with. Ya know? One person advised to “enjoy your life”, and I was like “Errr. Okay. Yeah. Will do. Thanks.”

I chose not to tell old job co-workers where my next job was, since my new company is owned by an (old job) competitor. So, when people at work asked, I said “I’d rather not say”. My dad and friends assured me over and over this was a standard practice, but I still felt like such a sketch-ball saying it. The reactions varied from, “What? Why? Did you sign a NDA? Is it not official? Well that’s weird, why won’t you say? When will we find out? That’s silly!” were a few of my favorite reactions. I still haven’t updated my LinkedIn because co-workers from the last job are blowing up my profile with views. Mwahaha.

About the new job! I’m doing social media full-time. It is SO great so far, but it’s only been a week, haha. The first week week was a lot of training and orientation. I am just trying to familiarize myself with ALL THE INFORMATION. So much information. And so many faces and names that I somehow cannot grasp despite writing notes like “julie – yellow shirt”. Well, the next day when Julie probably isn’t wearing a yellow shirt? No clue who she is. I’ve found myself wishing for the month to go fast so I feel more acclimated and am more settled because I really like it so far and can’t wait to get up to speed and feel like I grasp everything.

The interview story. It’s classic. It spread to a bunch of people in the office and it’s fun to hear their side of it. Apparently everyone was gathered around the interviewers’ desk, trying to find out what was going on, while she was on the phone with me. A few people commented my first day “We were all trying to get you here [that interview day]! We were so pulling for you!” Anyway, the crazy interview was a really good intro. When meeting people, they’d jokingly ask “How was your drive? Was your drive better than last time?” And it was the perfect springboard to banter back and forth, and circumvent the repetitive “hi, nice to meet you”.

Unlike my old job, there are lots of people my age and they’re all so nice and funny. A bunch of them invited me out to the Orioles game with them on Friday night. I was really nervous as I’m definitely still very much in that “introverted new girl, no clue how I fit in, try not to kill them with awkward” phase. I may or may not have given myself a pep talk on the way there that consisted of “just be cool, for God’s sake!!!” But, and I’m trying not to sound manic, I really did have so much fun. It was one of the best nights I’ve had out in a loooong time. 

Right now I’m sitting down the hall from all the people my age, seated with the summer temps, who are gone all day. It’s pretty isolating and lonely. BUT! In a few weeks, we’re all rearranging so I will be closer to them. It will be good.

My new building is huge, and it also has something I’m super pumped about: a cafeteria! I haven’t seen it yet, since I’m sure I’ll get lost, and nobody in training has time for that. But in time. I don’t have high expectations for it, but still. A cafeteria!! I’ll keep you posted on this exciting milestone.

I used to work 7-3:30 and it was the best. I freaking loved it. I didn’t realize how much I loved it until I didn’t work it anymore. I would be home by 4 pm and I’d have an hour in the kitchen by myself to make tomorrow’s meals and throw something together for dinner. I went to my weekly happy hours at my favorite bar at 4:30, and it was the best to be there before any crowds. Have I said yet it was the best? My last week at my old job I was a little bored and ordered some bras off Amazon. I definitely was not thinking about my new hours and that I wouldn’t be the one to pick the package up from the neighbor. My roommate (the guy) had to pick up my packages with a label that loudly proclaimed they were from Lingerie Diva. Cringe.

Now I work 9-5:30. I am adjusting. It is exciting to have more flexibility in the morning. I can sleep later, I have extra time to make a smoothie, I can go to more morning fitness classes. The first day, it was incredibly weird to be sitting at my desk at 3:30 and realize I had TWO MORE HOURS remaining, but so far it really isn’t too bad. For my first week I kept waking up at 6 a.m because I was so panicked that I’d somehow still be late. I’d just watch TV because I didn’t want to risk falling back asleep and not getting up. Dear Routine…. I miss you desperately but we’ll figure it out.

Saturday morning, I went to Rev for Mary’s barre class. I was so excited to hear they were adding it to the class schedule. With my new hours, I can’t make it to her class at my gym anymore. But Saturdays at 9 am? No bueno. I was a little hungover from the Orioles game and put on an even more miserable performance in class then my usual horrible standards. I really like barre though so I hope to make it out to her class every week!

Whew, that was a lot. Thanks to Katie for hosting and have a marvelous day.

I Have A New Job

I have good news!

If you’re my mom, your thoughts immediately jump to “ooh has a boy decided to date you?” No. Don’t get your hopes up.

It’s official: I have a new job!

I’ve been looking for months and it has been a looong process. I hate the whole song and dance of job interviewing so much.
The finish line to this accepted job offer was mercifully short but in typical Caitlyn fashion, filled with silly. At one point my dad sighed, “I just can’t believe the life you lead. Why does this happen to you?”

I applied on a Saturday afternoon. I received an e-mail Monday afternoon asking me to complete a digital interview. Have you heard of those? It’s the way of the future, I expect. You log onto a website and film your answers to a few interview questions. You have 30 seconds to prepare and 3 minutes to answer. I sat down to film downstairs with my top half in a suit and my bottom half in sweatpants. The first question: “Why is your experience a good fit for the job?” I began to answer “My experience is a good fit for this job because….” Then nothing. A pop-up on the screen announces the connection has been lost.

The digital interview site reconnects me within minutes, and I am aghast to learn I can’t redo answers. Fine. Answer #1 submitted.  Question #2 was about how I deal with change in a professional setting. This time I said maybe four words before…same thing happens. Internet goes out. At this point I yell “WHAT THE F? OH MY GOD. F!” Then realize that my little expletive-filled tantrum was probably recorded, knowing my luck.

I stomp upstairs, still cursing, to my messy bedroom to see if internet is better up there. The last three questions are like “when can you start”, “what is salary requirement?” and naturally, my Internet works perfectly. I try to imagine the WTF expressions on the hiring team members faces as they watch my 10 second answers to the important questions. I submitted it, humbled and angered, convinced I’d never hear from them again. Off I went to the bar and regaled the bartenders with my tale of Internet connection woe. They found it hilarious, bought me too many shots, and I called sick out of work the next day. Class act.

While I was sleeping off my horrid hangover and nausea, I received a voicemail from the hiring team. They wanted me to call and schedule an interview! I was stunned. 45 minutes later, I had an e-mail sitting in my inbox because they wanted me to come in the next day! Holy hell.

I called out of work again the next day, feigning sickness again. My interview was at 11 am, the office building was 20-25 minutes away, and I left at 10 am just to be safe. If you ever invite me somewhere (please do) I will always be early. Know that. Anyhoo, I arrived at the office building at 11:45. Yeah you read that correctly. 11:45. 45 minutes after my interview was supposed to start.

Something serious (still dunno what) happened on the street where the interview was supposed to take place. There were state troopers, firetrucks, ambulances, sheriffs, police, all flying down the road. They blocked the street off, forbidding everyone to enter. I re-routed my GPS 900 times, trying different routes all with the same result. No dice. I called my interviewer at 10:40. She called me back 10 minutes later saying they had been evacuated but were now back in the building. She told me to keep trying because she thought it was safe now, not to worry, and she’ll see me when I get there.

I drove around some more. At one point I talked to a cop and said “I swear, my interview is on THIS STREET. THIS VERY STREET. I’ll show you my e-mail! Please!” no avail. Not that I thought it would work but I was desperate.

I really didn’t know what to do. They called back once more asking for an update, I kept apologizing, they kept refuting my apology, I kept driving around. I debated asking them if we could just meet at Starbucks or a Jiffy Lube because I was not going to use a personal day in vain. They eventually started letting people down the street and then my GPS got extremely confused about all the developments with office buildings and I, of course, drove around the wrong developments for about 15 minutes. I eventually made it there, practically ran into the building (in hindsight, the running was a tad dramatic). We all had a few breezy laughs about the incident. “It’s normally so boring and so quiet here,” they told me. Of course it is. Until HurriCaitlyn rolls into town.
The interview went fine. A few days later, they asked me to complete a project (they warned me about this possibility in interview) to “make sure I could do what I actually said I could do.” I spent a whole weekend working on it, reliving college where I drank copious amounts of diet pepsi wild cherry, and paced while trying to come up with ideas, convinced there was no way I could ever put anything together. “Why did I even apply? I most definitely cannot do what I said I can do. I’m a joke!” I thought. I was panicked. Welcome to Delusionville, population: Caitlyn.

Nonetheless, I soldiered on, propped up by desperation to get out of my current job and my own pride. I sent off my project, convinced it was the WORST EVER. They called three days later and offered me the job. I took the call in my office building basement. I accepted the next day, and made a palsy negotiation attempt. One of our editors walked by in the basement and I, like the ninja that I am, whipped my sunglasses out of my purse so she wouldn’t see it was me. Clark Kent. Makes total sense.

Speaking of negotiations, I read an article from an HR exec about how men always negotiate, and women rarely negotiate. I nearly had a cow about the thought of negotiating. I kept saying “I feel bad! I don’t want to look greedy! I don’t want to! I’m a happy-go-lucky kind of gal, I’ll take whatever! Team player 4ever.”  I tried it anyway. I was all proud, even though it wasn’t much. Then I heard about my brother, straight out of college with no relevant experience for his new job, negotiated with his company and he got a crazy amount out of them. I still think it’s a little crazy they gave a new college grad so much, but geos to show it’s worth a try. Stereotypes. Played right into it. So, go for it, ladies.

I start on Monday. I’m thrilled and excited, yet terrified. My earliest posts on this ol’ blog were me fretting about how I didn’t know how to fit in at my job. Now I get to redo that again. Yay. The new gig is also in a new town. So I lose my Trader Joes walks, my early morning Safeway trips with my favorite cashier, my comfortable gym (the one I go to now is 25 minutes away from my new job and it’s a traffic-heavy route), but I’ll be gaining so much more! I think this solely because I know there is a Wegmans near my new office and I hear that is life-changing.

MIMM: On Turning 25 and Getting Back In The Saddle

If you read this on May 12, then it is my birthday!! 25 and cue the quarter life crisis. I’ve had many a ramble on this here Internet space about turning 25 and “OMG MY LIFE ISN’T WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS AHH” and “all my friends have their lives together and I don’t!!!” 22-24 was totally fine, but 25 just seems like a different playing field, overall just different. 25 still freaks me out. I’m halfway through my twenties! Eek! Most of my life I’ve felt the number or stage didn’t reflect where I was. I remember doing a free write in high school creative writing class rambling that I couldn’t believe I was a senior. The seniors before me had been so old! They were so mature!  I didn’t feel I looked like they did, knew what they did, or were as cool/sophisticated (ha) as they were. How was I in their position so quickly? I felt being a high school senior was sprung upon me and I hadn’t met any requirements to prove I was ready yet no one had noticed and just made me play the part of one anyway.

I’m feeling okay about 25 (for now). Meanwhile my parents are freaking out more with every passing day. On Easter my dad leaned in to me at church and whispered, “You’re going to be 25 in less than a month. Are you ever planning on getting married? Will I ever walk you down this [church] aisle?” and every time my mom calls lately she asks if I’m “even trying” to get a boyfriend. Now I just roll my eyes and try to shrug it off at how they value 25. I’m a lot happier than I was on my 24th birthday, so that’s what I am using as my measuring stick. Life is long (hopefully) and now I just stick to what’s meant to happen will happen but am finally accepting I likely have to leave my house more for things to actually happen. 😉

Remember my spin class last year? Horrible memories…me being convinced I would die while standing up and spinning so I took off all of my resistance like a genius. Then I woke up the next day and could barely move. Good times! I still think spinning is a work-out I would like, but I’ve been too intimidated, haha. Rev Cycle Studio opened a mile from my house with Bmore’s top cycle instructors and people have the best things to say about it. I would be like “yeah, yeah, i want to go and try it!” and I honestly meant it but was scared. But luckily Rev dropped a great opportunity right at my feet. A beginners class. Free. Saturday afternoon. Boom. They took away every excuse I could think of. I pulled my usual stunt and booked my bike and picked the dead last row in the corner. I got there and they told me there were 10 people in the class so I could move up a few rows. I still wasn’t sure, but with 10 people in the class it would be uber weird to be by myself in the back corner, haha. A handful of staff and instructors showed up and helped us set up our Schwinn bikes. This was fantastic, since there were so few attendees each staff member could spend time with you explaining everything.

There were ultimately two instructors, Jim and Janet. Janet is a triathlete, and Jim is an accomplished cyclist. At the beginning of the class, Jim explained how to position your body on the bike. Janet primarily lead the class and Jim went around checking on everybody. I remember in the middle of the class thinking “Good God, these two are so kick-ass.” They were so awesome and it was such a great experience for beginners. We did a few climbs and .. guess what .. it was still hard but I managed it much better! I think the Schwinn bike made all the difference. I could see what gear I was at, how far I had gone, calories burned, RPM, etc. Seeing the gear number really helped me for the climbs. Still don’t like the climbs, but I can get through them more easily. I just really like the sitting down part, no surprise there. I still struggled a bit with adjusting my body to the bike. I told Jim (well if we’re being specific, I gasped and panted) that my shoulders hurt and was this normal or was I just being extra wussy? He explained it and helped, but I understand it will still take a few more rides. I walked there and back since it’s only a mile which was great until a thunderstorm rolled in when I was a half a mile from my house with a hoodless jacket. So bad at checking the weather. I sprinted the last few blocks home and my sunglasses fell out of my pocket somewhere which is sad. Anyway…it was marvelous and I am so glad I went! So if you are a Bmore resident who happens to read blogs and haven’t gone yet, go! I’m sure you will be better than I.

I took the day off from work and I’ll probably go back to Rev for a barre class in the morning, then grocery shop, food prep and do laundry. I’m just so crazy. I’ll send you a postcard from the wild side. My mom asked what she could get me for my birthday and I said “protein powder.” Oh how times have changed, haha. I’ll probably go to my favorite bar, get drunk and then ramble about being 25 over a big plate of nachos.

Thanks to Katie for hosting the link-up!

 

The Way I Think

Hey. Thanks so so much for all your comments on my last post. Sometimes I wonder why I blog, then I read other peoples blogs, comments on other peoples blogs, comments on my own blog, and…I remember exactly why. To hear I’m not alone. I love social media and I also hate it because seeing everyone’s statuses squealing about getting promotions or getting the coolest job ever, Instagram pictures that feature the hashtag “#engaged” and whatever, gets me reallll down in the dumps. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for everyone and when I comment ‘congrats! happy for you!’ I mean it (most times), but sheesh, I hate that their happiness/success makes me feel like shit about myself. I feel angry and saddened that (it appears) everyone is moving forward yet I am like a hamster on the wheel that never gets anywhere, forever chilling on the very bottom. Being grateful every day is not something that comes easily to me. Neither does self-acceptance (believe me we know, think longtime readers of this blog).

I was thinking today about how I always dwell on all the things that I’m not and all the things I don’t have, instead of all the things that I am and all the things that I do have. What brought this revelation on was when I was at the mechanic/neighbors picking up our plentiful packages [oh the holiday season], and one of the mechanics said to me, “I thought you should know that when your package came today, as so-and-so signed for it, he said ‘Oh good, that means Caitlyn will come by today.’ We all look forward to your appearances because you make us laugh.” I was so stunned/touched by this, I think I stuttered a thank you, resorted to my standby self-deprecating humor bout how that’s the first time I ever heard somebody say they were looking forward to seeing me, we all laughed, I walked away smiling and hadn’t stopped smiling since. Whenever I’m at the neighbors, I am just trying to not be my always awkward self, and I never thought what they might see or take out of the brief exchange because I always just assume my jokes are stupid, that they’re counting the seconds until that awkward neighbor leaves. I always see the worst. I think I’m awkward, I’m always going to be awkward, but that’s not what other people necessarily see. These neighbors don’t know how I see myself.

I pout too often about how I don’t like my weight right now, but I ignore the positive changes I have made.  I was staring at my grocery cart in the check-out line the other day and I couldn’t believe that it was my cart, full of stuff picked out by ME. Two years ago I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell you what egg whites were. Or why too much sodium was a problem. Or what almond milk was. Or what Greek yogurt was. and why it was different. Two years ago when I went to the grocery store, I completely ignored the perimeter of the grocery store. I never bought produce. Ever. I bought cookies, crackers, bagel bites, ice-cream, cheez-its, pop-tarts. All I drank was soda, alcohol and the occasional water with Crystal Light. I’m pretty confident that I never, ever, ever hit my suggested veggie intake. Now I fill my cart with egg whites, fat-free Greek yogurt, cranberries, spinach, bananas, strawberries, almonds, carrots. I think and care about things like my veggie intake everyday and make smoothies or small salads to accommodate if I realize it’s low. I pause to dwell on if I am drinking enough water – and sometimes, I even drink more water than recommended. I limit myself to one soda or one Crystal Light a week, and sometimes I go without them.

I get borderline depressed when I look at my bank account and remember how poor I am. But if I frame the situation another way,  I  feel proud that while my bank account doesn’t end with as many zero’s as I’d like it to, I’m living on my own in a new city, paying bills, and am still managing to save something.  When I moved to this city, I lived here for 4.5 months without any income. I’m proud that I managed to make it work and am still here making it work and learning about living on my own. I personally have a lot to learn about how to be an adult and live on my own.

Not only do I tend to have a distaste for where I am in my life and dwell on all the things that I’m presently not, I am guilty of pigeon-holing myself and accepting what I  let myself think I can never be. Make sense? Probably not. I know I hold myself back and don’t take chances because “well, obviously, that’s not for me, that’s for people cooler/more successful/more talented than me. I won’t be able to do that.” It’s sobering to realize I severely underestimate myself and cut myself off from fun things. Shouldn’t I be my own advocate? My biggest  cheerleader? It’s sad to realize I’m always my worst critic – and yes, I know I’m not alone in that. I’m training for a 12 miler in August (!!!!!) which I NEVER thought I’d do. Those kinds of things were obviously for runners only and I can never be a runner because .. hello..look at me, my name is Caitlyn, it’s not in my DNA, I suck at everything forever and ever amen. I’m still not 100% convinced I’ll be able to pull it off but I try to banish those thoughts and just focus on going a teensy bit further than I did yesterday.  I always thought it’d be so cool to be a half-marathoner but never pursued it because of who I thought I was and who I just accept that I am. Lazy, afraid, doomed, terrible at everything,hopeless. Yes, I’m lazy, but I can overcome that. Yes, I walked a nearly-20 minute mile in 7th grade and hated it every second, but why oh why still think about that 10 years later? It was a stupid grade school fitness test, it should have nothing to do with today, and the Caitlyn back then was most definitely not the Caitlyn of now. Thank God.

Really I get so angsty about how I’m not where I want to be, but I don’t stop to think about where I am, compared to where I  have been. Sure it’s not as fast and the results aren’t as sudden as I’d want them to be, but they are there. The littlest of results. Things – good things – will happen if I keep chugging along. Even if it feels like I’m getting nowhere. Good things are there. I just have to pay more attention and readjust what view I’m looking at.

When The Earth, The Sun, The Stars All Align.

Conferences: I was in DC for the second round of conferences for work and I didn’t really hate it. Well, I hate the conferences part and having to keep up my cheery “goddamn it I’m a professional!!1!1” facade for 10.5 consecutive hours, teetering around on my heels longing to sit down. A woman slipped a book proposal and a sample chapter under my breakfast plate which I did not notice until someone else pointed it out to me. That made me feel very important and I crowed about it to all my friends…. I might have framed it as she was stalking me because she was so excited to see me, knew the important role I held in my company and she wanted me specifically to be the gatekeeper of her long-awaited dream but really she just wanted someone from our publisher to possess it and didn’t care who it was. Clearly. I can’t even influence ordering a new department printer when ours is broken.

Hotels: I really like hotels, guys. The staff has to be nice to you. They take care of unnecessary tasks like cleaning or lugging boxes around. I think room service is the best thing ever invented, especially for introverts like myself who just want to be alone and inhale food without stopping for breath and worrying about public decency and manners all while catching up on internet reading and TV watching whilst wearing sweatpants. It is so fun. I sleep like a rock in hotels. My latest hotel had a king sized bed and my insomnia stood.no.chance. It was amazing.

Healthy Eating On The Road: Is hard. I know. Do you need a second to recover from the bombshell I just dropped on you? Surrounded by continental breakfasts featuring a cinnamon bun table, a croissant table, muffin table, donut table….dear God, is this what heaven is like? If so I swear I’ll clean up my act. I went nuts the first day– give me all of the cheese danishes– but then I realized I needed to fit into a dress for a reception the next night and I literally had no other option packed beside squeezing myself into that dress so I had to reign it in. Donuts are no match for a girl who needs to fit into a dress. Then after I wore the dress, it was so tempting to order chicken fingers from room service every night- after all, nobody would know! But……. I would know. And I’d love it in the moment and hate myself later. I made it to the gym once and when I left, some guy took a break from his weight lifting grunting (such a stereotype. c’mon dude) “I’ll see you later sweetheart” and uh, no you won’t. If you do you will only see my backside as I sprint the other direction.

Fitness: Blah. I came home to our hot water being out. Hoorah, but it’s the best motivation ever to propel my sleepy self out of bed at 4 a.m so I can go to the gym and shower.

Class Clown: A girl I went to high school with was working at the hotel I was recently at. We had a nice um-hi-quickly-summing-up-the-last-5-years conversation. We had a few classes together over the  high school years and she said, “I never forgot Creative Writing class and your poem during poetry unit.” I had no idea what occurred during poetry unit, and she reminded me “You stood up in front of the class and read the chorus of Hilary Duff’s song Come Clean. [Teacher] was so impressed by your imagery about the rain….” I have no recollection (I think I blacked out most of high school) but I  can readily believe I did this. I told her I  hoped I didn’t get a grade for my plagiarism of a Disney tween queen’s songwriters and she assured me no it was just free-write. What is wrong with me?

Lean In: I bought it ages ago, read half, then under-my-bed borrowed the book for a few months, I recently reclaimed, and finished it. It was a great read with some powerful anecdotes and recommendations, but one thing I can’t stop mulling over is the Heidi/Howard study Sheryl Sandberg mentioned. A professor at Columbia Business School handed out the resume of a guy named Howard to one half of the class.  The other half of the class got the resume of a woman named Heidi. The students who received Howard’s resume thought Howard was likable, competent and they would absolutely want him to join their company. The students who received Heidi’s resume thought she was selfish, unlikeable and they would not hire her. The catch? The resumes were exactly the same. The professor just changed the name and pronouns. Howard was made up for the sake of the study. Isn’t that fascinating?

Happy One Year: …to me. And zee blog. Truth be told, I can’t believe I’ve stuck with it this long. I started my blog because I had moved to a new city two months prior and I was lonely and friendless. When I started the blog, I could have never imagined what it would become and what it would mean to me. I would have never imagined that I’d ever go to a blogger meet-up — let alone host one! It’s surprising how important blogging has become, although I acknowledge I’ve been the laziest, worst blogger ever for the past two months. It still astonishes me that people read here. The blogs I read are really inspiring to me because sometimes [a lot] I slack off on working out because “omgz i’m so exhaustedddddd sitting in a chair for 8.5 hours drains me like nuffin’ else i wanna die” and then, I kid you not, I think about the blogs I read and how much people cram into a day and how they still manage to cram in a good sweaty work-out and then eat healthy meals….and then I’m all..”oh…well I’m pathetic. I’m not special. I need to get my ass up.” I also have learned so so much through the blogs I read. I’m pretty dumb/ignorant about all things health and wellness and the healthy living blogs I read teach me a lot. For free! I’m so grateful for this community and how nice people are and how much you share. I really count a lot of you as friends and I spill a lot on here and yet you still come back (!!!!!) and I’m the most thankful person. I write about something totally rambly and people are like “I know! I’m that way too! I do that too!” and I love knowing I’m not alone (because sometimes, it really feels like you are!) or leave the most insightful comments and give the best advice and it’s just the coolest thing ever. come on over and i’ll make us all cocktails with…

photo-55

yep. i know. I KNOW!!!!!!! Remember how my parents have been kicking butt at weight loss?! Wellll…..I’ve been chattering their ear off for the last year about the power of the almighty Vitamix. Now that they’re working at maintaining their newfound healthy lifestyles, they decided to get a Vitamix to help them out. And I collected a splendid finders fee–>my own Vitamix. Yep. They bought me one too (for Christmas/birthday) and I am paying them back for a little bit of it. I still can’t believe it. I walk past my kitchen counter, it catches my eye, I stand there and blink rapidly in confusion until it dawns on me that i am a Vitamix owner and OMG all is right with the world forever and ever amen!! If you ever hear me complain about how hard it is to get veggies in waaaahhh wahh wahhh, punch me in the face.

this was a ginormous post. sorry. i’ve bottled a lot up, eh? probably should have broken this up into two but…here we are anyway.

The End.