Ten Years

What is wrong with me? I post “why I’ve been blogging less but oh don’t worry I’ll still be around!!!”…then I run away. I suck.

I thought the internet was lacking in a sentimental post so here I am to save the day and make all the readers in the place with style and grace…cringe. In the spring of 2004, I was in 8th grade. Throughout grade school I played field hockey (fall), basketball (winter), softball (spring). I mostly did it because my friends did it and I had (still have?) FOMO- fear of missing out. Softball was far and away my least favorite, so I finally decided to ~live for me~ and quit so I could enjoy the remaining of my 8th grade days because I assumed life would be SUPER stressful in omg high school. I think I announced my retirement in a dramatic AIM away message. Maybe with Something Corporate lyrics.

Suddenly I had hours free! So much spare time! It was wonderful….and it jumpstarted the problem I’d have for the next decade. Too much spare time, nothing to do, so I started eating. I ballooned. I’d always been tall for my age, but by 8th grade, everyone had grown and I had stopped. At 5’2 (maybe 5’3 if you’re in a generous kind of mood). I graduated as the 11th shortest girl (I commemorated this in my diary so that’s how you know it rocked me to my core) and undeniably a little bit bigger. I remember my mom asking me once “You’re eating again? Are you sure? There’s a pool party coming up.” I was like “What? Yes I am hungry. I’ll be ready for the pool party, GEEZ MOM.” Lo and behold, a few weeks later, I wasn’t ready for that pool party. I didn’t go in the pool. I wore a two piece but never took my cover-up off. When my friends went in the pool, I sat or went to the bathroom to pretend to fix my hair or something.

I quit softball and filled my spare time with mindless snacking. A habit I have yet to break.

It’s hard to accept that it’s been ten years since that spring. I’ve written over and over in lengthy, painful, rambling posts about how I feel my weight and eating habits have held me back. It’s sobering to realize that a whole decade passed where I hated my body, ate more because I hated my body, and yet I didn’t have “it” to change. “It” meaning: the willpower, the mental fortitude, the knowledge of nutrition or how my body worked, the desire to learn all that, etc. I was miserable for so long about how my body looked so I’d eat to cheer myself up after a dismal shopping trip with my mom when I wanted to wear cute, stylish clothes that hugged my body and instead went with flimsy, flowy blouses or to fill a void when I saw my friends in relationships. Whatever. The list and the drama can go on (and probably does in multiple posts on this blog).

I’ve officially been blogging about my grand weight loss attempt for a year. I’ve done really well, then let myself have a reward “just one cheat day” on a Saturday which turned into a Sunday resolve of “ehhh just make it a cheat WEEKEND” that turned into eating poorly on Monday and Tuesday, but I couldn’t re-start healthy eating and living on a Wednesday! That was dumb! So NEXT MONDAY it would begin! Or when I didn’t feel like prepping healthy meals, figuring out what groceries I needed and then actually grocery shopping.

I’ve re-started with the resolve, then stopped, then taken forever to re-start again so many times over the past year. This particular winter has been brutal when I just couldn’t make myself get up to go to the gym and so hibernated in my house binging because it was too cold! The last week has been better, and I realize NOW that I really can’t let myself off the hook too much with “cheat days” because otherwise it just turns into one big, binge-y freefall. Should it have taken me so embarrassingly long? Probably not.

The last year has been one of so much learning, so much stopping, and eventually re-starting. All that matters is the re-start happens and I’m a lot more motivated than ever. Realizing it’s been a DECADE like this helps. Turning 25 in May helps.

It’s been 10 years but it won’t make it to my favorite number 11 🙂

Why I’ve Been Blogging Less

Right. hello.

Life has been busier than usual round these parts but you are probably still busier. I try not to post about how OMG STRESSED AND BUSY AND CRAZAAAYY life is ever (it’s usually not) because I remember from Queen Mindy Kaling’s book where she says “A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time EVERYONE IS STRESSED OUT. Going on and on in detail about how stressed how I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it ESPECIALLY bad. I have heard some stories of stress but this just TAKES THE CAKE.”

I read that and was like hell ya! This applies to me. So now I try not to whine about how tired (okay I fail at that one a lot), busy, stressed, whatev I am because….that quote. I love it. So I try to shut up.

This is obviously not me shutting up. And if you ever want tips on how to kill a blog, seek out yours truly. I’m the worst. BUT I can’t deny that it is kind of a success.

….I never presume anyone notices or further, cares, but it makes me cringe and feel bad when I see the blog name in the search terms section of blog stats. Oh and yes some version “I’m fat and hate myself” always makes an appearance in the search terms.  What a legacy I’m carving out.  So here I am about to fumble through an explanation that will probably make sense to a party of one Caitlyn but I feel compelled to try.

I’m trying to get out behind my computer more. I loooooove the Internet and can easily spend hours lost skimming in forums. Example, a few months ago I found Make-up Alley. I spent at least four straight days just browsing and reading reviews and then throwing things on my Amazon wishlist. A make-up artist I will probably never be but I like to imagine that I could someday be the girl who easily blends eyeshadows together to make eyes pop because that would be fun or be the girl who knows how to apply concealer juuuuust right, instead of just smearing it on my face and hoping for generously bad lighting all day like I do now. Hence why the zillion eyeshadow palettes, concealer jars, contouring brushes, are still sitting on my wishlists. Snort.

In the spring I had all these grand dreams for growing the blog but then I soured on them and realized I honestly didn’t care about growing it because I like it as it is and I hate change. In the fall I realized it was stupid how much time I spent cooped up in my room on the internet. I moved to a city like I always wanted to…and I would (still do) spend all my spare time in my room. No one is on their death bed and thinks “Sheesh if only I wasted more time on the internet.” Thus I am trying to cut down on my Internet time. Where I am at now is…I don’t know what to do with myself (this does not apply to recent, busier time). If you know of any “pathetic life” awards feel free to nominate me. I don’t really have any hobbies beside reading (which I am doing even more of) and reality tv. Over the winter months when I also could pinpoint the weather for being in my house all the time like a shut-in, I on-line browsed (and sometimes purchased) all the time. I’ve developed a new love for candles through all my yankee candle browsing.

I’m trying to cook/bake more because…adulthood.. but I really hate it. Really, really, really hate it. It makes me so anxious and I don’t know why. The other day I was baking bars and my hands were trembling the whole time and when the bars were finally cut and put away, I just felt such relief. ‘Twas bizarre.  I do more work-out DVDs. I still don’t clean my room.

So one of the things that has fallen by the wayside is blogging. I don’t put any pressure on myself to churn out “content” (like I used to in the spring) or creating graphics for pinterest (although I admire and happily pin yours and others). Maybe another reason is because I do all that at work?

This isn’t a goodbye or anything. I’m not quitting and I’ll still blog but I just wanted to try and explain the lack of consistent posts and blog reading/commenting. Soo I’m still here, always ready to rant and ramble, anddddd doesn’t mean I love ya any less 😉

 

 

It’s The Freaking Weekend

…..I love them so much, yet they are one of my roadblocks in getting fit.

So I used to struggle with eating healthily during all days of the week but the work week was really hard. Preparation is not my thing. Thinking ahead? Nope. Never has been my style. I wouldn’t pack enough food and I’d get hunger headaches and slump around the office for hours that felt endless or I would just get Skittles and an Almond Joy bar from the vending machine.

I’m finally, finally, finally getting better at eating healthy doing the week. I plan out all my meals and get ‘er done. But now, the weekends. Suddenly I’m 100 times worse on the weekends than I ever was during the work week.

I know that the problem is too much free time, which makes me laugh because I love the weekends for that very reason.

On weekends I really just…have nothing to do. So I eat. It’s something to do. And what I eat on the weekends, I guarantee, is never healthy. It’s always a “bad” food choice and it’s always a LOT of it. I know binge-eating is one of my problems. I know I’m eating because I’m bored, but I can’t seem to talk myself out of it. I knew it was a bigger problem than I thought it was when I woke up last Saturday morning and thought “Oooh. I can go to CVS and buy some unhealthy snack to eat today. My roommates are still asleep so they won’t see me come back into the house with it.” A low point. I’m planning on sneaking back in with junk food, like I’m smuggling drugs. I didn’t want to be caught and I didn’t want to feel ashamed. Way to be, self. Way.to.be. That’s also another alarming facet – that I willingly leave my house to buy bad food. And I don’t talk myself out of it for the 2 blocks that it takes to walk there.

It’s a problem, and I know this. I know it when I’m shoving food down my throat and I feel worse afterward, but then the next weekend rolls around, and lo and behold, there’s bored Caitlyn. I don’t talk myself out of it because I want to do it and I declare that “I’ll burn it off!!! I’ll work-out extra hard!!”

The obvious solution seems to be – well, don’t be bored. Get a hobby moron. Do something. I already read a lot but even I can’t do that for however many waking hours I have.  I need a lot of alone time but maybe too much is too much on the weekends? Last year I used to go to the mall a lot, but this year I am on a girl on a budget. And it’s cold. I thought about going for a run a time or two, but then I’m all “Um well I don’t know where to run so that’s out.” I’ve lived here a year and a half now, and I still don’t know any running or walking routes.

It’s a low point and I’m just…over it. Over constantly putting myself in these positions and giving in and not overcoming. I’m so over figuring one thing out (like healthy eating during the work day) and then another thing comes popping up worse than before. Blah. I know this is all me and I’m forever writing posts like “wah I know it’s my fault but it’s hard and I can’t figure it out and I keep doing it”. I know.  That’s about all I have to whine about today.

When The Earth, The Sun, The Stars All Align.

Conferences: I was in DC for the second round of conferences for work and I didn’t really hate it. Well, I hate the conferences part and having to keep up my cheery “goddamn it I’m a professional!!1!1” facade for 10.5 consecutive hours, teetering around on my heels longing to sit down. A woman slipped a book proposal and a sample chapter under my breakfast plate which I did not notice until someone else pointed it out to me. That made me feel very important and I crowed about it to all my friends…. I might have framed it as she was stalking me because she was so excited to see me, knew the important role I held in my company and she wanted me specifically to be the gatekeeper of her long-awaited dream but really she just wanted someone from our publisher to possess it and didn’t care who it was. Clearly. I can’t even influence ordering a new department printer when ours is broken.

Hotels: I really like hotels, guys. The staff has to be nice to you. They take care of unnecessary tasks like cleaning or lugging boxes around. I think room service is the best thing ever invented, especially for introverts like myself who just want to be alone and inhale food without stopping for breath and worrying about public decency and manners all while catching up on internet reading and TV watching whilst wearing sweatpants. It is so fun. I sleep like a rock in hotels. My latest hotel had a king sized bed and my insomnia stood.no.chance. It was amazing.

Healthy Eating On The Road: Is hard. I know. Do you need a second to recover from the bombshell I just dropped on you? Surrounded by continental breakfasts featuring a cinnamon bun table, a croissant table, muffin table, donut table….dear God, is this what heaven is like? If so I swear I’ll clean up my act. I went nuts the first day– give me all of the cheese danishes– but then I realized I needed to fit into a dress for a reception the next night and I literally had no other option packed beside squeezing myself into that dress so I had to reign it in. Donuts are no match for a girl who needs to fit into a dress. Then after I wore the dress, it was so tempting to order chicken fingers from room service every night- after all, nobody would know! But……. I would know. And I’d love it in the moment and hate myself later. I made it to the gym once and when I left, some guy took a break from his weight lifting grunting (such a stereotype. c’mon dude) “I’ll see you later sweetheart” and uh, no you won’t. If you do you will only see my backside as I sprint the other direction.

Fitness: Blah. I came home to our hot water being out. Hoorah, but it’s the best motivation ever to propel my sleepy self out of bed at 4 a.m so I can go to the gym and shower.

Class Clown: A girl I went to high school with was working at the hotel I was recently at. We had a nice um-hi-quickly-summing-up-the-last-5-years conversation. We had a few classes together over the  high school years and she said, “I never forgot Creative Writing class and your poem during poetry unit.” I had no idea what occurred during poetry unit, and she reminded me “You stood up in front of the class and read the chorus of Hilary Duff’s song Come Clean. [Teacher] was so impressed by your imagery about the rain….” I have no recollection (I think I blacked out most of high school) but I  can readily believe I did this. I told her I  hoped I didn’t get a grade for my plagiarism of a Disney tween queen’s songwriters and she assured me no it was just free-write. What is wrong with me?

Lean In: I bought it ages ago, read half, then under-my-bed borrowed the book for a few months, I recently reclaimed, and finished it. It was a great read with some powerful anecdotes and recommendations, but one thing I can’t stop mulling over is the Heidi/Howard study Sheryl Sandberg mentioned. A professor at Columbia Business School handed out the resume of a guy named Howard to one half of the class.  The other half of the class got the resume of a woman named Heidi. The students who received Howard’s resume thought Howard was likable, competent and they would absolutely want him to join their company. The students who received Heidi’s resume thought she was selfish, unlikeable and they would not hire her. The catch? The resumes were exactly the same. The professor just changed the name and pronouns. Howard was made up for the sake of the study. Isn’t that fascinating?

Happy One Year: …to me. And zee blog. Truth be told, I can’t believe I’ve stuck with it this long. I started my blog because I had moved to a new city two months prior and I was lonely and friendless. When I started the blog, I could have never imagined what it would become and what it would mean to me. I would have never imagined that I’d ever go to a blogger meet-up — let alone host one! It’s surprising how important blogging has become, although I acknowledge I’ve been the laziest, worst blogger ever for the past two months. It still astonishes me that people read here. The blogs I read are really inspiring to me because sometimes [a lot] I slack off on working out because “omgz i’m so exhaustedddddd sitting in a chair for 8.5 hours drains me like nuffin’ else i wanna die” and then, I kid you not, I think about the blogs I read and how much people cram into a day and how they still manage to cram in a good sweaty work-out and then eat healthy meals….and then I’m all..”oh…well I’m pathetic. I’m not special. I need to get my ass up.” I also have learned so so much through the blogs I read. I’m pretty dumb/ignorant about all things health and wellness and the healthy living blogs I read teach me a lot. For free! I’m so grateful for this community and how nice people are and how much you share. I really count a lot of you as friends and I spill a lot on here and yet you still come back (!!!!!) and I’m the most thankful person. I write about something totally rambly and people are like “I know! I’m that way too! I do that too!” and I love knowing I’m not alone (because sometimes, it really feels like you are!) or leave the most insightful comments and give the best advice and it’s just the coolest thing ever. come on over and i’ll make us all cocktails with…

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yep. i know. I KNOW!!!!!!! Remember how my parents have been kicking butt at weight loss?! Wellll…..I’ve been chattering their ear off for the last year about the power of the almighty Vitamix. Now that they’re working at maintaining their newfound healthy lifestyles, they decided to get a Vitamix to help them out. And I collected a splendid finders fee–>my own Vitamix. Yep. They bought me one too (for Christmas/birthday) and I am paying them back for a little bit of it. I still can’t believe it. I walk past my kitchen counter, it catches my eye, I stand there and blink rapidly in confusion until it dawns on me that i am a Vitamix owner and OMG all is right with the world forever and ever amen!! If you ever hear me complain about how hard it is to get veggies in waaaahhh wahh wahhh, punch me in the face.

this was a ginormous post. sorry. i’ve bottled a lot up, eh? probably should have broken this up into two but…here we are anyway.

The End.

Five Facts Friday: Umm..

*slithers back in* Hi. I disappeared and am the worst. Truth be told, the content well hath run drier than the Sahara but I love this too much so here I am with a useless post wahooo.

1)      I am also allotting partial disappearance blame to October-December. It is our conference season and while mine has been pretty mild thus far, with just day trips around Maryland, I’m still blaming it. Next week I head off to Williamsburg, VA. I am not excited because it’s a huge conference that I’m doing by myself  (ummm so what if I’ve been here a year that does not mean I am ready for responsibilities like that) and I know I’m going to mess up all the taxes, shipping rates and subsequently, all the orders. This, of course, will lead to Customer Service spitting on the ground whenever they hear my name. It’s really not that hard but I can be pretty dumb with percentages and I like to make big productions out of everything. Anyway…..I hope the weather is nice and the hotel is an easy location where I can sightsee. But really, I know how lame I am and that I will probably just hang out in my hotel room. I know you care deeply about whether I get the chance to see Williamsburg.

2)      I was told I needed to use my comp days by a certain date and then one day I woke up and was all ‘shit I need to use them by next week!’ So I took off last Wednesday (our two hour weekly department meeting day hehe) and to the shock of absolutely nobody, it was the best. I didn’t get to sleep in because all my roommates texted me around 6:45, alarmed that my car was still there, and wanting to check that I hadn’t overslept. That’s incredibly nice and caring, but of course after that I couldn’t go back to sleep. At first I was a little annoyed that I didn’t get to sleep in late but then I was all ‘yessssssss more time to do nothing!’ I just hung out in my house all day and made one trip on foot to CVS for a magazine and a diet dr. pepper. I think if everyone could just take one day off a week it would be ideal. I was happy as a clam for the rest of the week and didn’t even feel the urge to complain about anything (a miracle) because I had been lucky enough to have a day off. Then, my boss dropped the truth bomb that she had it wrong and the comp days could carry over for a little bit. Of course they could. Oh well.

3)

me bfore you3)

I just read THIS. And I want you to read it. Then I want you to e-mail me and let’s talk about it (I am not demanding at all for such a bad blogger) because I am dying to discuss with somebody.  I loved it so so so much and I know it’s a book I’ll be reading again many times. It was a gorgeous book and it made me think and JUST READ IT ❤ FYI: I didn’t read any reviews so I had no idea what the plot was (nearly all of the reviews from publishers and customers I have seen contain what I consider to be a spoiler but I am sensitive about these kinds of things). Soo consider that, I guess.

4)

I stopped going to my Zumba, BodyPump and BodyCombat classes that happen at my fave gym location (near work). When you get off work around 3:30, classes that start at 6 pm are just too much. I couldn’t leave work, go home and then go back, since I would get caught in all the  rush hour traffic that is departing from downtown. So I nearly always went to Target and Marshalls to pass the time and would spend way too much money. I now possess 7 black cardigans (guess what you’re getting for christmas, little sister!!) and an endless supply of Chlorox wipes. I think the Caitlyn of yesteryear was annoyingly optimistic that Caitlyn of the future would be so kind and adult-like as to get on top of the cleaning and stay on top it. Hope springs eternal, self.

5)

I went home to PA last weekend because according to my parents, it has been three months since I last saw them. Oops.  Maggie, our Labradoodle, is going to be 10 on November 23rd and I can’t believe it. I was in 8th grade when we got her!! Goodness. She’s starting to slow down a teensy bit, meaning she can only play 8 games of ball a day as opposed to 10. Nonetheless, she still has more energy than every dog we ever see. People say “She’s almost ten? You mean…ten months?” And we’re all, uh no ten years. She is still recovering from Halloween, which is her least favorite holiday (4th of July & all those fireworks are a close 2nd). My parents have yet to figure out how to successfully handle her on that holiday because she goes nuts in the yard and practically takes out our back door trying desperately to get inside. But if she’s inside running around, all the kids at the door who she sees as potential ball throwers make her all excited but, coupled with their costumes….she has 20 meltdowns an hour. My parents, by the way, are kicking butt at weight loss. My mom is down 45 pounds and my dad a little bit over 25 and I’m so, so happy and proud.

Happy Friday!

1. have you ever been to williamsburg? once upon a time my mom wanted me to go to william & mary (college in williamsburg) but then i grew up and was not nearly smart/dedicated enough. bahaha.

2. if you could take one day off a week from work/school, what would it be? i know most would probably pick monday or friday, but i really liked having a day off in the middle of the week.

On October 3rd, I Asked What Today’s Post Was

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Here’s a story. It was Tuesday, 4:30 a.m. and as usual it was dark out and no one else was around because they are sane. I was locking our back door which always takes a good minute when a voice, which sounds really close, says behind me “Don’t be scared sweetheart.” I jumped out of my damn skin and spun around, about to pee my pants. There was a man sprawled out in the house next door’s parking pad and his head was about half a foot away from my car’s front tire. The house next door is visibly under construction and he was sleeping in the parking pad. He chuckled and said, “Damn. You really jumped.” I managed to stammer out something like that ‘yeah you really startled me! har har har har’ as I walked past him to get to my car. Genius. It was a great wake-up call of sorts [pun intended]. When I walked out the door, I didn’t even see him spread out a foot away, because a) I didn’t turn my head and was still probably half asleep and b) our damn parking pad motion sensor light hasn’t worked for months and we never got around to fixing it.. Whoops. I thought later how embarrassing it would have been if he’d been a murderer and killed me right there in the dark. People would shake their heads and say ‘All the SVU and Criminal Minds she watched? And all those crime books she read? And on her internet trail history…I hear she googled what Elliott Stabler’s birthday was! And that’s how she dies..? Tsk, tsk.” I am, however, quite proud that I did not pee my pants.

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I go back and forth on wanting to live alone someday. As we all know, I like my alone time. I love my house that is beyond my budget and my miraculous parking pad, I am always  proclaiming I’ll never leave but sometimes I read books (I’m currently embroiled in the Stephanie Plum series which is oh so fun. I started it Sunday and I’m on #5 which is kind of bragging but also reminding you how lame my life is) and am envious of the fun heroines who live alone. Although I admit I’d be terrified of things that go bump in the night and that my bachelorette pad would be a dust sanctuary. All I want is my own refrigerator/freezer. Ya know what I mean? I have 3 roommates and our refrigerator is always crammed. It’s a delicate organizational game, which I always place last at. We currently have 5 almond milks, and 4 of them are Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla [1 for each roomie, I guess]. It makes zero sense.

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I have realized a new favorite hobby besides wall-staring, reading, bed lounging, waiting for someone new to view my LinkedIn, leaving hateful comments under pseudonyms on articles about the Kardashians, and watching the pile of clothes on my floor expand: grocery shopping at 6 a.m. It’s so peaceful and quiet. I can spend as long as I want in the aisles without my car getting jostled or hearing a harried persons foot taptaptap as they wait for me to get out of the way so they can grab the Goldfish or whatev. I can stand there as long as I want and debate internally whether or not I should purchase an item. This is especially helpful as I investigate all the things with  my handy dandy Fooducate app because all you have to do is scan a barcode of an item, it gives you a grade and the info about how healthy the item it really is which for a dumdum like me, is perfect.

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Another round of Biggest Loser at work starts on Friday and I’m using this to regroup and get back on track from my latest string of suckiness. This time, we have 15 people competing, as opposed to 6 of last time, so I’m excited.

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The real world is weird. I know at the dawn of every new month I say ‘wow! I can’t believe it’s This Month!’ but seriously. OCTOBER?! I remember standing in the gym locker room hearing the morning anchor exclaim how it was time for baseball season and I thought ‘Damn, already? Baseball season?’ And now, for the Orioles at least, it’s over. How is time going by so fast when I feel like I don’t really do anything? It’s the same thing everyday. It’s just very odd that my days, for the next 40-ish (!) years of my life, will be centered around doing the same thing in the same routine. Wow. How sad.

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I am so glad hockey is back! I’m a Flyers fan, who secretly likes Sidney Crosby because I met him once and he was very nice and adorable with little kids and it made my ovaries blush, but lives in kind-of Caps country. But yes. Hockey is the best sport.

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I am happy at work. There I said it. For the most part. What I really mean is I love the girls in my department so much. My cubicle mate Alex and I joke around all day while working. One day, I was whining about how I’d rather be at home in bed reading [every day] and everyone  [read: other departments] were pissing me off. So I stomped to the cabinet we have in our cubicle corner , withdrew a poster and placed in the small little entrance to our cubicle. Thus, our fence was born.  Our serious response is it’s our version of the office door. Everyone else in our department and most people at the company have offices. Many of them opt to keep their offices doors closed 75% of the time, so we installed our own door. I sent a picture of it to my mom, who promptly called me and said “”You’re going to get fired!” But everyone is highly amused by it and you cannot argue with our logic.

 

Five Facts Friday, 2

I liked last weeks so much I’m doing it again. This works because a lot of times I have stupid things to share but don’t because blah that’s not worth a whole post and how do I tie it into the other stupid thing I feel compelled to put on the Internet because they don’t “go together” at all? I take things too seriously and I like this format. Plus, my love for alliteration makes sure I keep this somewhat short and weed out the really stupid anecdotes. So away we go.

 

1.  I still haven’t decided whether I like “fitness fund” or “muscle money” better which makes it really sad that the month is [practically] over.  I made myself $25. Yeah! I meant to take a picture of my wonderful jar full of dolla dolla bills y’all but I forgot and it’s at home and now I’m at work and I know you’re sad that I’m starting your weekend off by denying you such a joy. I don’t go to the gym on weekends usually because I like to go the one near my work, and not the one near my house, BUT my DVD player now works and last month I bought myself fitness DVDs that I’ve been doing on weekends so that’s why my number is so high. I liked this jar thing, except it took me  awhile to get going as I kept forgetting to put $1 in as I never have any cash on me so I had to keep writing “IOU” notes to myself. I think I am going to reward myself for all my hard work and go get a manicure or something. My nails are atrocious. I was drunk one night and saw how chipped they were and so I “filled them in” myself and it looks like a two year old did it. I’m embarrassing.

 

2. I’ve been talking about going to BodyCombat forever but I haven’t done it because the only time it was offered was inconvenient and got me to work too late. BUT…the location I go to is now offering it Wednesday nights! I am so, so, so excited. It goes to show that if you take absolutely no action and complain about it enough inside your head, things will happen. I think that’s the mantra they advocate in The Secret or something. It’s offered at night, which throws a wrench in my schedule because when you get off work at 3:30…and the class isn’t until 6…there’s not much to do. Refresher, as I live downtown, and work 25 minutes outside of the city and the gym location I like to go to is near work because it’s so much less crowded and the people are nicer. It makes no sense to go home, then drive back and get stuck in rush hour with all the commuters leaving the city. And the pool has closed so there goes that option. So I’m going to have to figure out my Tuesdays too because no way in hell am I giving up my fun Zumba and the adorable teacher.  I’m probably going to go to all of the wonderful shopping in the area [yay! uh oh?] or just make Sarah hang out with me. O hai gurl.

 

3. The Baltimore Grand Prix is this weekend and I can’t hear the sound of all the newspapers and all the interviews from city officials spouting off about how wonderful it is for Charm City’s PR and how lucky we are to be “chosen” and be in the spotlight over the reality of how effing inconvenient it is. They closed alllllll of downtown and it makes getting in or out of the city mission effing impossible. I loathe it with the passion of a thousand trillion suns. I hear Patrick Dempsey (McDreamy) is participating or something so the only way this is acceptable is if he finds me in my house and offers to give me a bunch of money he doesn’t want anymore. Otherwise, if anyone needs me I will be locked in my house this weekend with a pillow over my head [in an ideal world i would be asleep beneath it but], whispering “come and get me when it’s over!” Dramatic party of one? maybe,  but it really is the worst ever ever ever ever.

 

4. You know I love to read. It’s like my full-time job.  I made the mistake of reading Gone Girl [by Gillian Flynn] last year on a 5 hour car ride to New Hampshire to visit family friends, which in hindsight, was a terrible error. Because I was miserable all weekend, you know, being social and stuff with people we haven’t seen in years, when all I wanted to do was be left alone on my air mattress so I could readreadread and figure out what the hell was going on and how it would all end. I know people are “eh” about Gone Girl but I loved it because the plot [to my eyes] was so original and fresh, and I really had NO clue how it was going to end. Nada. SO…where is this going…I’ve been looking for a book similar to that and haven’t found any but my boss Sharon introduced me to Jeffery Deaver and the Lincoln Rhyme series. I am obsessed. I’ve torn through 7 of them, and they are lengthy. This is a blaring signal that I need a life. My two favorites are “The Vanished Man” and “The Cold Moon”. Buy them. It’s not the kind of series where you need to read them all or even read them in order. You think you know what is going to happen, then you’re wrong and you think this is going to happen, then you’re wrong, then you think oh! I’ve got it! THIS is totally going to happen, then you’re wrong, then you think okay the book is almost over this is totally how it’s going to happen and you’re fifty shades of wrong.  Then the end comes and you’re still surprised. So….get them.

 

5. Al, the maintenance man who works in our office building is the cheeriest, nicest guy ever. When I started at this job, he asked me my name and I said, of course, “Caitlyn” and he nodded, and said okay. He then started addressing me as “Hey Hayden!” At first I assumed I had heard him incorrectly because I spent my teenage years blaring my i-pod on the loudest possible headphone settings and my hearing ain’t so gewd. Then by time I realized no, he really is saying Hayden, I didn’t know how to politely correct him because though I am awkward, I do try to at least be polite.  So for months, he’s called me Hayden whenever he sees me. I figured it wasn’t a huge deal if some man I see every other day or so calls me by the wrong name.  Then on Wednesday I’m waiting for the elevator with my company president, and of course, who walks up but Al. “Hey, Boss man! Hey Hayden!” He sings out. I turn scarlet red and suddenly develop an intense interest in counting the dots on the ceiling tiles. The president turns to me and says “Hayden??? Really, CAITLYN? You are something else.” He chuckles for a long time. I sheepishly turn to the maintenance guy and I’m like “I’m so sorry I didn’t know how to correct you!!!” Al thought it was hilarious that I let him call me the wrong name for so long. I was mortified. I feel really bad. I wasn’t trying to be deceitful or anything (although I do like giving out fake names at bars). Blah. I haven’t seen the company president since but I am really hoping this doesn’t turn into some kind of inside joke where he  calls me Hayden. Le sigh.