It’s Organic Matcha Green Tea Powder!

I love to whine about how healthy eating is hard for me. Wahhh, why don’t I wake up craving kale? Why must I crave poptarts and cheez-its? Wahhh, why does everyone write so many articles extoling green tea and I don’t like tea? Wahh! BUT…there is a solution to the green tea problem that I was unaware of (typical!) until Kiss Me Organics kindly e-mailed and asked if I wanted to try some organic matcha powder. Clap clap. Yes.
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BUT…what is it? From their website, “More than simply ground up green tea leaves, matcha is derived from tea leaves grown in the shade so that the leaves achieve a dark green color, which gives matcha its magnificent amino acids.” Cool. The reason matcha is slowly edging out traditional green tea in terms of health benefits is because those who ingest matcha are consuming the entire leaf rather than brewed water. One glass of matcha green tea is equal to 10 glasses of regular green tea as far as antioxidants and nutrients. 

 

So I read the e-mail and was like ‘yeah! THis is super cool!’ And then I remembered myself. Non-culinary Caitlyn, who needs every little kitchen task spelled out for her and spoken slowly, then repeated. I wouldn’t even know what to do with this. But wait! Keep reading, self! The matcha comes with a recipe book that they e-mail to you. 50+ recipes that include drinks (mojitos, green tea lattes, a few smoother recipes), breakfast foods (waffles, muffins, french toast), breads (biscuits, cornbread), pizza (multiple recipes!), desser (truffles! cookies! soufflé! pie! oreo cheesecake! mousse!), entrees (duck!?!, beef, chicken, curry!). It goes on and on but that’s just a sampling.

 

I of course immediately made the “Berry Good Morning Smoothie”. It’s the perfect thing to drink while at my cubicle first thing in the morning and struggling to accept that I am at work…again..for another 8 hour day…and must be productive. I swear the smoothie gives me a perk of energy which is nothing short of miraculous and confusing, because what? Who am I? I am always tired. It’s part of my (always charming) personality at this point. I make this ish every morning. I also made the salmon recipe from the recipe book. Salmon is my favorite food and if it weren’t so expensive i’d eat it everyday for lunch and dinner guh-ladly. My roommates saw me playing with the powder and were like “what the heck is that?!” They were totally fascinated and together we made cookies and put some in there. Rave reviews from all.  I still have a bunch of recipes I want to try..I’m looking at you melon matcha gazpacho and the strawberry matcha sorbet.., so luckily the bag is big, life is long, etc.

 

But wait, Caitlyn! You said you didn’t like green tea! So….how does it taste? Ah, glad you asked. I tried it for the first time in my “wooda cup” and it was not love at first sip. It was a bitter taste. Then I remembered…I was supposed to blend or whisk it well, not just dump it in there. It’s an interesting taste when you first try it but like I said, I have it every day so clearly me and my sensitive taste buds are over it. If I have my act together enough, i also blend some (water + powder) to bring to work but that rarely happens. I can’t ever have my act TOO together because I don’t want to fool people into thinking i’m some kind of responsible, prepared human. They’ll be in for a big letdown.

 

Try it and let me know what you think! Sorry for the no pics….I’ve been out of the diligent blogger game too long.

disclaimer!: kiss me organics sent me this at no cost. opinions are my own….not that these thoughts are so incredible anyone else would want to claim them. 

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Five Facts Friday: It’s My Birth Month!

Hiya. Sorry for absence. I usually read all my blogs at work and work is banning everything and watching our computers ridiculously closely, so it’s been very inconvenient, haha. I would loooove to see what they see, but don’t mess with my Internet 😉 Luckily I am still in control of the company Pinterest so they can’t take Pinterest away from me. I have a lot of catching up on blogs to do, oy.

 

1. I have a new roommate! My roommates boyfriend is moving in and the happy couple will be taking over the master suite, so we’ll have an empty bedroom. Come stay over 🙂

My mom’s reaction: “omg what you’re living with a boy? Is that a sin? Wait. Does he have friends who will want to date you?”

My dad’s reaction: “good. I hope people know a boy lives there. Is he strong? Would he win in a fight against a burglar?”

 

2. I love me some reality TV. I tend to avoid the E! channel…because Kardashians. But I’m obsessed with “Total Divas.” I knew nada about wrestling, but it’s scripted drama with hot guys in skimpy outfits. Score. I went to Monday Night Raw last week with fellow Total Divas fans and it was a crazy cool experience. But long. It started at 7:30 and we left around 11:30 when the last match was still going on! I’m too old for this. Then supposedly the place to be was the bar across from the arena and I was like “What? I have work tomorrow. It’s 11:30!” SO OLD. We saw one Total Divas cast member for a total one minute, but it was a fun experience to go.

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i took this! that is the official wedding photographer on the left and can you guess that his photo turned out better than mine. 

3. So four years ago my best friend’s sister was getting married. I harassed him for details, “what kind of flowers?”, “what is her something borrowed?” Then he asked his parents if he could bring a date, they said yes, and I got to go! It was the most emotional, beautiful wedding ever. The groom was a year into a battle with leukemia, and at the time was in remission. When the bride was choked on tears getting out the “in sickness and in health” line of the vows, the whole church was in tears along with her. Two years ago, her groom’s cancer came back with a vengeance. They are the nicest people in the world, and their journey has been so, so hard, but through it all, they’ve been so strong and handled it so gracefully. A week ago, the doctors told them there was nothing more they could do, and they’ve met with a hospice team. It’s so unbelievably sad. He just turned 33 years old and his gorgeous bride is 29. I’ve walked around all week with such a heavy heart. I met them once, but they’ve been so inspiring. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers ❤

 

4. My best friend lives in CA now so when he asked if I could pick him up from the airport and drive him 1.5 hours to get home and see his sister and brother-in-law, of course I said yes. Wouldn’t you know, that day was Wednesday. The day of the mega floods on the east coast. The day that got Bmore in the news! My drive to get him home took way longer with rush hour traffic and the rain. Then I said hello to his family, we caught up for a few minutes, and I left at 8:30 PM. It was pitch dark, it was just hammering rain, windshield wipers couldn’t keep up, the highway was under construction with twisty roads, and you couldn’t see at all. The person in front of me knocked over one of those orange construction barrels because they couldn’t see it. I pulled over to make sure they were okay, we talked about how crazy it was, and instead of pulling back out into traffic, I sat there and cried for a few loooong minutes. I was still 45 minutes away from home, and I was so scared, the rain wasn’t letting up, and just wanted it to be over. I really wanted it to be over and I was so terrified. It was the worst drive of my life. I resolved I had to pull myself together because I couldn’t drive in it if I was distracted or weepy. I debated getting a hotel but then I had some steely, stupid resolve that I needed to prove to myself I could do it. This is such a dramatic tale, but sadly this is me. I survived. I got home around 11 and fell into bed and had nightmares. It’s over, I did it, but God I’ll never forget it. Have I ever told you how much I hate driving?

 

5. I’m still trudging along in the fitness and healthy eating. I got super lazy with the worlds longest winter so I added a few layers for warmth, ha. I realize how important it is that I keep my fridge stocked with produce and healthy options otherwise, wouldn’t you know, I get super lazy and fall back into old habits. I still run like a 14 minute mile but…we’re getting there. Very slowly. I need to get back to strength training (ahem, Body Pump)…one day consistency will be mine.

 

Happy Friday pals 🙂 I turn 25 in a week and a half- eeek!

Ten Years

What is wrong with me? I post “why I’ve been blogging less but oh don’t worry I’ll still be around!!!”…then I run away. I suck.

I thought the internet was lacking in a sentimental post so here I am to save the day and make all the readers in the place with style and grace…cringe. In the spring of 2004, I was in 8th grade. Throughout grade school I played field hockey (fall), basketball (winter), softball (spring). I mostly did it because my friends did it and I had (still have?) FOMO- fear of missing out. Softball was far and away my least favorite, so I finally decided to ~live for me~ and quit so I could enjoy the remaining of my 8th grade days because I assumed life would be SUPER stressful in omg high school. I think I announced my retirement in a dramatic AIM away message. Maybe with Something Corporate lyrics.

Suddenly I had hours free! So much spare time! It was wonderful….and it jumpstarted the problem I’d have for the next decade. Too much spare time, nothing to do, so I started eating. I ballooned. I’d always been tall for my age, but by 8th grade, everyone had grown and I had stopped. At 5’2 (maybe 5’3 if you’re in a generous kind of mood). I graduated as the 11th shortest girl (I commemorated this in my diary so that’s how you know it rocked me to my core) and undeniably a little bit bigger. I remember my mom asking me once “You’re eating again? Are you sure? There’s a pool party coming up.” I was like “What? Yes I am hungry. I’ll be ready for the pool party, GEEZ MOM.” Lo and behold, a few weeks later, I wasn’t ready for that pool party. I didn’t go in the pool. I wore a two piece but never took my cover-up off. When my friends went in the pool, I sat or went to the bathroom to pretend to fix my hair or something.

I quit softball and filled my spare time with mindless snacking. A habit I have yet to break.

It’s hard to accept that it’s been ten years since that spring. I’ve written over and over in lengthy, painful, rambling posts about how I feel my weight and eating habits have held me back. It’s sobering to realize that a whole decade passed where I hated my body, ate more because I hated my body, and yet I didn’t have “it” to change. “It” meaning: the willpower, the mental fortitude, the knowledge of nutrition or how my body worked, the desire to learn all that, etc. I was miserable for so long about how my body looked so I’d eat to cheer myself up after a dismal shopping trip with my mom when I wanted to wear cute, stylish clothes that hugged my body and instead went with flimsy, flowy blouses or to fill a void when I saw my friends in relationships. Whatever. The list and the drama can go on (and probably does in multiple posts on this blog).

I’ve officially been blogging about my grand weight loss attempt for a year. I’ve done really well, then let myself have a reward “just one cheat day” on a Saturday which turned into a Sunday resolve of “ehhh just make it a cheat WEEKEND” that turned into eating poorly on Monday and Tuesday, but I couldn’t re-start healthy eating and living on a Wednesday! That was dumb! So NEXT MONDAY it would begin! Or when I didn’t feel like prepping healthy meals, figuring out what groceries I needed and then actually grocery shopping.

I’ve re-started with the resolve, then stopped, then taken forever to re-start again so many times over the past year. This particular winter has been brutal when I just couldn’t make myself get up to go to the gym and so hibernated in my house binging because it was too cold! The last week has been better, and I realize NOW that I really can’t let myself off the hook too much with “cheat days” because otherwise it just turns into one big, binge-y freefall. Should it have taken me so embarrassingly long? Probably not.

The last year has been one of so much learning, so much stopping, and eventually re-starting. All that matters is the re-start happens and I’m a lot more motivated than ever. Realizing it’s been a DECADE like this helps. Turning 25 in May helps.

It’s been 10 years but it won’t make it to my favorite number 11 🙂

Why I’ve Been Blogging Less

Right. hello.

Life has been busier than usual round these parts but you are probably still busier. I try not to post about how OMG STRESSED AND BUSY AND CRAZAAAYY life is ever (it’s usually not) because I remember from Queen Mindy Kaling’s book where she says “A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time EVERYONE IS STRESSED OUT. Going on and on in detail about how stressed how I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it ESPECIALLY bad. I have heard some stories of stress but this just TAKES THE CAKE.”

I read that and was like hell ya! This applies to me. So now I try not to whine about how tired (okay I fail at that one a lot), busy, stressed, whatev I am because….that quote. I love it. So I try to shut up.

This is obviously not me shutting up. And if you ever want tips on how to kill a blog, seek out yours truly. I’m the worst. BUT I can’t deny that it is kind of a success.

….I never presume anyone notices or further, cares, but it makes me cringe and feel bad when I see the blog name in the search terms section of blog stats. Oh and yes some version “I’m fat and hate myself” always makes an appearance in the search terms.  What a legacy I’m carving out.  So here I am about to fumble through an explanation that will probably make sense to a party of one Caitlyn but I feel compelled to try.

I’m trying to get out behind my computer more. I loooooove the Internet and can easily spend hours lost skimming in forums. Example, a few months ago I found Make-up Alley. I spent at least four straight days just browsing and reading reviews and then throwing things on my Amazon wishlist. A make-up artist I will probably never be but I like to imagine that I could someday be the girl who easily blends eyeshadows together to make eyes pop because that would be fun or be the girl who knows how to apply concealer juuuuust right, instead of just smearing it on my face and hoping for generously bad lighting all day like I do now. Hence why the zillion eyeshadow palettes, concealer jars, contouring brushes, are still sitting on my wishlists. Snort.

In the spring I had all these grand dreams for growing the blog but then I soured on them and realized I honestly didn’t care about growing it because I like it as it is and I hate change. In the fall I realized it was stupid how much time I spent cooped up in my room on the internet. I moved to a city like I always wanted to…and I would (still do) spend all my spare time in my room. No one is on their death bed and thinks “Sheesh if only I wasted more time on the internet.” Thus I am trying to cut down on my Internet time. Where I am at now is…I don’t know what to do with myself (this does not apply to recent, busier time). If you know of any “pathetic life” awards feel free to nominate me. I don’t really have any hobbies beside reading (which I am doing even more of) and reality tv. Over the winter months when I also could pinpoint the weather for being in my house all the time like a shut-in, I on-line browsed (and sometimes purchased) all the time. I’ve developed a new love for candles through all my yankee candle browsing.

I’m trying to cook/bake more because…adulthood.. but I really hate it. Really, really, really hate it. It makes me so anxious and I don’t know why. The other day I was baking bars and my hands were trembling the whole time and when the bars were finally cut and put away, I just felt such relief. ‘Twas bizarre.  I do more work-out DVDs. I still don’t clean my room.

So one of the things that has fallen by the wayside is blogging. I don’t put any pressure on myself to churn out “content” (like I used to in the spring) or creating graphics for pinterest (although I admire and happily pin yours and others). Maybe another reason is because I do all that at work?

This isn’t a goodbye or anything. I’m not quitting and I’ll still blog but I just wanted to try and explain the lack of consistent posts and blog reading/commenting. Soo I’m still here, always ready to rant and ramble, anddddd doesn’t mean I love ya any less 😉

 

 

Five Facts..Monday

meant to publish this friday but then i got side-tracked by the overwhelming desire to bake. and since that happens every Olympics i had to take advantage. amanda’s protein bars= delish. and will surely be gone by tomorrow if they miraculously last the night. they were also much better than this blog post but for some reason i felt like delayed posting..so away we go.

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1. Bmore got dumped on and I got my snow daaaaaay! Praise be. Now winter exit stage left and make room for spring puh-leez. I know complaining about the weather is so tired at this point but I was telling someone on Wednesday that it feels like eons since it was warm. Dramatic? Always. But really, I feel like it’s been freezing for so long now. Let’s get on with me complaining about sleeping when I’m hot. I took a sick day on Friday because I was kind of nauseated and didn’t feel like digging my car out so I figured I’d let the sun, if it ever showed up, and time help me out. Our alley rarely gets plowed and is always a mess whenever it snows, so Wednesday I thought I was being SOOO smart and parked my car on the street. Well, wouldn’t you know, our alley got plowed and is perfect. My car was where, of course, the sun was not hitting and  all the snow turned to ice and I just cannot deal. Never winning.  It took an hour and a half. Of course, a lot of that is probably my piss-poor technique, but alas, we move on.

2. My company doesn’t make the decision to have a standard operating day, delay or closing anywhere between 6:45-7:15. I could scream from the rooftops (or whine on the Internet) how much I hate this. I get to my office around 6:45 (I know!) so this winter has been a huge pain, where I sit around and wait to find out if I have to go in. I usually do have to go in, and then I sit in all this 7:15 am traffic AND bad weather traffic where everyone drives sooooo slow. Last year when I was a newbie and the first major snowfall came, I realized that morning while I had e-mail on my phone and knew to call the snow line, I didn’t know what time they made the call at. I figured that since so many people came in early, it had to be early and they would have made it by now, so I made the trek in. The chairman of the board saw me in the kitchen as I was putting my lunch away and said “Oh no. I just called and told them to alert everyone that we’d be closed.” I was so angry and stormed out. He told HR and HR sent me an e-mail about reading my employee manual. It was fun.

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3.  My co-worker published her first YA novel last year. I read it with trepidation because, uh, what if it sucks? What if I won’t be able to look at her the same. I dunno why I was worried because she is an awesome writer, but the book was really good and sweet. Have I talked about this before? Possibly. Sorry. BUT don’t click x yet..she has a new book coming out March 31 and I’m super duper pumped. Above is the new cover that I love so much. Speaking of books, I can’t help myself, I read a good one this weekend. I was in the mood for a easy, breezy, (beautiful, cover girl) read and this book was just the ticket. It was the kind of book where I delayed finishing it because it was such a fun ride. Tomato, toh-mato, but read if you want and let me know what you thought.

4. I got a bunch of Amazon gift cards for Christmas and so I purchased a few kettlebells because I always thought they looked cool and effective. I did a kettle bells Tone It Up workout  yesterday and I freaking loved it. It was one of those workouts where in the middle of it I thought ‘Wow I really like this!’ That never happens. Usually I’m huffing and puffing, counting the minutes until it ends, while feeling embarrassed at how weak and out of breath I am. I am so sore today and I forgot how good it is to wake up feeling a good kind of sore. I keep meaning to actually follow a weekly TIU schedule but keep forgetting (or making excuses) but hope springs eternal so let’s see what I can do this week. It was humbling when somebody found out I get home from work around 4 and exclaimed “wow so you have all kinds of time”, which I do, but I also possess a potent arsenal of excuses and incredible laziness.

5. One of my roommates is engaged and moving out so I am getting a new roommate soon. Saturday morning my lovely (not sarcasm! i’m so lucky and really love her) landlord and I met with potential tenants. My other two roommates were at work so I took my duty very, very seriously. I was all jazzed to meet the potentials and told my roommates “I will take care of getting alllllll the dirt!” Then when the candidates were live and in front of me I realized I didn’t have much to ask. ‘True or false and only answer false: I like to kill people in my spare time? Have you ever at any point in time lived a city and forgotten to close the and/or lock the front door leaving the premises vulnerable to robbery?’ Do you agree that J.K. Rowling is a flaw free human? How often do you bake and what is your philosophy on roommates who eat all of what you bake? Are you in possession of a cute, single older brother who loves girls in sweatpants and is interested in wooing your roommate whose name starts with a C and ends in an AITLYN?’ Hmmph. They, in turn, also had interesting questions beyond the standard. One mom asked how the water water pressure was and found it hilario when I replied with a verbose “good.” What else is there to say about water pressure? The same mom, upon finding out that I moved here from another state, asked how I met people. I said “Oh, the Internet.” It’s true but she was quite confused so I can only imagine what she must have thought. Also,I kept my room door shut during the tours but forgot to turn my TV off and at one point while we were marching on past to the 3rd floor, the potential roommate asked “Is that the spongebob theme song?” UH NO. You’ll be living with all professional adults. That is another very serious show about serious, professional topics whose theme song is “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea…” obvi. Saturday cartoons 4eva.

*bonus 6th: I recently discovered – via social media of course – a new app that is supposed to help you fall asleep. It’s basically a sounds app. You can play all kinds of different sounds while you fall asleep. Some of them are so funny – like “frogs”, which is, you guessed it, frogs ribbit-ing. I always go for the water sounds – “rain on roof”, “thunderstorm”, “rainstorm’, “heavy rain” – and while it doesn’t help me fall asleep faster it’s very soothing.

This song came on my I-pod in my drive home and I forgot how much I love it.

I really am going now. B-y-e.

MIMM: A Whirlwind, Crazy Trip Home

Whoa it’s been a long time since I managed to join in the MIMM party with Katie.

Urghhhh Monday why do you have to come back so often? Go away. I’m putting the blame for this squarely on the winter we’re all having, but damn time seems to be going so slow. Usually I’m like “WHAT?! How is it whatever month already?’ but winter is dragging. I am so sick of cleaning my car off and all the salt on my car. I am so sick of all the snow and ice, and not getting a snow day. What good is all of this if I don’t get a day off? All my teacher friends are whining on social media about how they are actively hoping against snow days, but I’m all “um. I will take them. thanks.” 🙂

I went home to PA this weekend to see my parents (and our labradoodle Maggie!!!!!). I also had to go to the dentist- haha. I really should get around to researching and starting to see doctors in Maryland but I like all of my doctors in PA. My dentist said “I remember you’re an avid reader, do you have a Nook or a Kindle?” He was thinking of getting his daughter one,  so of course I gushed about my Kindle and how it actually IS the greatest thing since sliced bread, and he replied with “Yeah, that’s the way the world is going. All those publishers will be put of business real soon.” Awkward comment considering…I work for a publisher.

We also went to the locksmith to get another spare key for my car. The locksmith had ordered another key a few weeks ago and we went so they could program the new key to my car. The associate asked if I could move my car and pull around to the back where the computer could reach (or something). The neighborhood was filled with one way streets so the associate gave me directions. In typical Caitlyn fashion, I got lost. It took a loooong 15 minutes for me to make my way to the freaking back of the store. When I pulled up, the employees clapped. Every mundane easy task is needlessly more difficult when you’re Caitlyn. Oh, and they couldn’t make a spare because it says right on the key “dealer only programming”. Productive outing.

My mom and I went to get our nails done. I have a new favorite color- peace, love and OPI. I think it’s just so cool-looking.

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That night, I went out with my parents and neighbors to a local bar. I  was really fortunate and had such a great childhood- our neighborhood was filled with kids my age and overall really nice people. It’s been so fun to get to hang out with “the parents” now that I’m older. So many are empty nesters now, and they’re always planning parties. One of the neighbors was bar tending and later on in the night we noticed a cousin behind a bar as well, so my dad asked why I brought my purse, when clearly I wouldn’t be carded with all the family around, and when my parents were going to pay. He put my purse in the car and we forgot all about it. Big error.

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Sunday morning, he left early for Vegas (!! just a work trip, although he gamely put up with all my super lame, cliche jokes about getting married by Elvis, finding a tiger in the bathroom and getting bad tattoos). I was asleep when he left – and he drove his car with my purse in it to the airport. I was in my car about to pull away to drive back to MD, and I leapt out of my car and ran into the house shrieking at my mom (and nearly steamrolling Maggie) “DID DAD BRING MY PURSE BACK IN?” Nope. My credit cards, license, insurance cards, cash, all that fun stuff.

So my mom and I trekked the 25 minutes to the airport with his spare key to retrieve my purse. We missed the garage twice and had to keep circling the airport. Then we couldn’t figure out his vague directions – “my car is by a pole, which is half garage A and garage B.” What the what? I am the girl who got lost going around the block yesterday, Dad. We finally found his car, and lo and behold, wouldn’t you guess….the remote didn’t work. Are you asleep yet? Sorry this is dull. It was really interesting in person I swear, I just am a horrible storyteller. Trust. My dad has a car where you  just have a remote and no key, and you just press a button to get it started. He hates it. The batteries in the spare remote were dead and the purse was so close, yet so unattainable. It was comical. So my mom gave me her debit card until my dad gets back home Wednesday night. OY.

Did you watch Toned Up? You know I’m a Bravo junkie/super skeptic, and it’s one of my favorite shows to air on Bravo ever. I laughed, I said “awwww!!!”, and I pouted because I wanted to be their friend and hang out with them. I freaking loved it. It probably won’t get a second season…but it should. I am 110% certain Andy Cohen reads this blog so hey Andy. Season 2. Do it. So if you haven’t watched the show, watch it and tweet about it- and maybe if Bravo sees enough tweets a season 2 will happen? 🙂 I also had such a great time every week at our viewing party here in B’more. I met so many awesome ladies!

If you read to the end, sorry and I love you. Thanks to Katie for hosting!

It’s The Freaking Weekend

…..I love them so much, yet they are one of my roadblocks in getting fit.

So I used to struggle with eating healthily during all days of the week but the work week was really hard. Preparation is not my thing. Thinking ahead? Nope. Never has been my style. I wouldn’t pack enough food and I’d get hunger headaches and slump around the office for hours that felt endless or I would just get Skittles and an Almond Joy bar from the vending machine.

I’m finally, finally, finally getting better at eating healthy doing the week. I plan out all my meals and get ‘er done. But now, the weekends. Suddenly I’m 100 times worse on the weekends than I ever was during the work week.

I know that the problem is too much free time, which makes me laugh because I love the weekends for that very reason.

On weekends I really just…have nothing to do. So I eat. It’s something to do. And what I eat on the weekends, I guarantee, is never healthy. It’s always a “bad” food choice and it’s always a LOT of it. I know binge-eating is one of my problems. I know I’m eating because I’m bored, but I can’t seem to talk myself out of it. I knew it was a bigger problem than I thought it was when I woke up last Saturday morning and thought “Oooh. I can go to CVS and buy some unhealthy snack to eat today. My roommates are still asleep so they won’t see me come back into the house with it.” A low point. I’m planning on sneaking back in with junk food, like I’m smuggling drugs. I didn’t want to be caught and I didn’t want to feel ashamed. Way to be, self. Way.to.be. That’s also another alarming facet – that I willingly leave my house to buy bad food. And I don’t talk myself out of it for the 2 blocks that it takes to walk there.

It’s a problem, and I know this. I know it when I’m shoving food down my throat and I feel worse afterward, but then the next weekend rolls around, and lo and behold, there’s bored Caitlyn. I don’t talk myself out of it because I want to do it and I declare that “I’ll burn it off!!! I’ll work-out extra hard!!”

The obvious solution seems to be – well, don’t be bored. Get a hobby moron. Do something. I already read a lot but even I can’t do that for however many waking hours I have.  I need a lot of alone time but maybe too much is too much on the weekends? Last year I used to go to the mall a lot, but this year I am on a girl on a budget. And it’s cold. I thought about going for a run a time or two, but then I’m all “Um well I don’t know where to run so that’s out.” I’ve lived here a year and a half now, and I still don’t know any running or walking routes.

It’s a low point and I’m just…over it. Over constantly putting myself in these positions and giving in and not overcoming. I’m so over figuring one thing out (like healthy eating during the work day) and then another thing comes popping up worse than before. Blah. I know this is all me and I’m forever writing posts like “wah I know it’s my fault but it’s hard and I can’t figure it out and I keep doing it”. I know.  That’s about all I have to whine about today.