The Road I’m On

I was thinking the other night about how happy I am when I go to the gym and that I work out. Weird. Have I fallen in love with fitness? I’m not sure I’d call it love yet, but right now, it’s definitely infatuation.  All I know is we’re in it for the long haul. Fitness has been trying to court me forever, and I’ve brushed it off with lame excuses that are the equivalent of “I can’t..I have to wash my hair” or flirting with it briefly then never calling it for months and months and diving out of the way when I see it on the street.  We’re going to have our highs and lows throughout the decades and I’m probably going to hate it and behave like a bratty Taylor Swift toward it from time to time. Lately, though, I’m starting to feel as if I’m getting in the groove.

I never was someone who liked working out. In college I’d take my Kindle to the gym and sit on an exercise bike going the slowest possible speed and would read.  Or I’d just go for long, slow walks on the most isolated part of campus when the gym was too crowded so I could be alone with my thoughts and my cheesy bad pop music on my I-pod. I never would attempt to work out very hard. I didn’t like how red my face got if I tried too hard. So unattractive. Of course another factor was that I was in such bad shape with virtually zero stamina so why would I want to embarrass myself and flaunt my pathetic status in front of my classmates? I didn’t like my body and knew I had to work out and eat better, but I had no interest in it. I didn’t want to try and set myself up for embarrassment or failure. I have a hard time sticking with things when they’re hard and give up on myself pretty quickly.

But after  starting a new chapter when I moved to a new city, I realized I was sick of coasting and so easily accepting that I was: overweight, not in shape, weak,  a horrible eater and resentful. I was too young to give up and just slot myself into the role of a person I didn’t want to be. I had such an opportunity for a fun life in my new city, I could start over here. I could be happy here. So I started a blog about it (my condolences to the Internet).

My fitness journey for the few months has found me going to a class or just ducking into the cardio cinema and doing strictly treadmill or elliptical because I didn’t know what else to do at the gym. But lately I have been hanging out in the private training area. It’s very isolated and I get to try out new circuits without feeling self-conscious or like everyone is silently mocking my slowness or noting that my arms start shaking 5 seconds after I get into a plank. I’ve had so much fun playing around on Pinterest and finding work-outs to do. I’ll find them the night before, save the pin to my camera roll on my phone, then watch a Youtube video on how to perform a certain move.  I, of course, forget how to perform that move when I actually get to the gym. BUT…I get really sweaty, have fun (will wonders never cease?) and afterward feel like the cat that swallowed the canary. The red face I used to dread is now worn as a badge of honor, of sorts. Like, yep, I worked out hard people. 

I love feeling my heart beat faster and the beads of sweat. I love getting my body moving. After years of only fueling it with poor nutrition, I love knowing I’m finally taking care of it.



image from fellow bmore blend, kate. I LOVE THIS QUOTE. #hitshome 

Over the last few months, I’ve tried a lot of new things. I’m not particularly adventurous and am very intimidated at the idea of new things. Remember it took me two months to work up the nerve to go to Body Pump? And I LOVE it. I’ve tried CXWORX, which I liked even though I made a fool of myself, and I really look forward to definitely seeing improvement as I get stronger and not having such a hard time with the ONE piece of equipment the class uses [sigh]. Also I ran two 5ks.

I’m so glad I found  Brian, the Zumba instructor at the gym, and that I have such a good time at his class. I love that I can kinda run a little now- granted, it’s still pathetic and I’m slower than molasses, red-faced, panting, dying, cursing with my last breaths, etc., but I can do it. And I do do it. Slowly I’m learning to let myself revel in the fact that I do it, and not pay attention to how much faster everyone else is or how much longer they can go for, because just the fact that I am going at all is wonderful.  I love that I have the Bmore Blends and that we’re plotting out fun workouts. I love that I’m get to try classes like Body Combat but I especially love how gleeful I am  about trying these classes.

It’s also dizzily exciting how much I am looking forward to trying things out: I’m determined to compete in a half marathon sometime in the next 18-ish months. I want to try CrossFit. I want to try the bootcamp type classes my gym offers that right now I’m still too scared to attend.  And whatever else I decide I want to do.  It’s truly amazing that I now look forward to fitness classes and going to the gym.  I’m excited for all that’s ahead and working toward it.


Five [Lengthy] Facts Friday

thanks for your super nice comments on my last post. no mean e-mails [yay] but a few really nice ones. you guys are the bestest around.


1. I’ve boasted before about the amazing cardio cinema at my gym. The other day “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” was playing. I had heard it was cute, and I knew the cast was packed with actors and actresses that I knew (hellooooo Chace Crawford please call me, my phone number is in all the letters and tweets I have sent you), so I went in and watched. It was adorable! I watched for 50 minutes while doing a treadmill / elliptical split. I had the hardest time pulling myself off the machine – the only time this has ever happened –  because I wanted to see the end so badly. Damn work and the whole “showing up is mandatory” thing.  So I bought it. I’m excited to finally get to the end.


2. I want to give a shout-out for nice neighbors with whom we have an arrangement. Heh. Our packages get dropped off at the mechanic who is two doors down from us so they don’t sit out on our doorstep all day while we’re at work or if the packages get put on our doorstep, one of the staff gets them and leaves us a note. Sometimes if one of the staff sees me drive down the street on my way home from work, they’ll come to our door and give the package to me, to you know, spare me from having to walk the five steps (!!!!! Oh the horror) outside of my house. Apparently my laziness is fairly obvious. For as negative as I am and how frequently I stomp around bemoaning that my glass is not half empty it’s ¾ empty and will never be full again ever ever ever ever, I’m lucky and people are nice [sometimes].


3. On Wednesday I went to my first CXWORX class. I’d caught glimpses of it a few times and saw them doing planks. I knew it would be hard, but manageable. After all, it was only a half hour. I’d blink and it would be over! I could do this. Um. Yeah. I was aching midway through the warm-up and cursing that we still had 26 minutes left! 26!!!! The instructor Heather was a sub, but I really liked her. She had the most calming voice even though the instructions she was dishing out were hurtful. This class was my first ride on the resistance band tube [see what I did thereeeee! No? okay]. At one point, we had to slip them over our sneakers and even though I kept putting mine midway through my foot, they kept snapping off after about five movements.  The woman next to me, trying to be helpful, said maybe I shouldn’t be so jerky. At first I thought she was actually calling me a jerk***. I couldn’t blame her. Those mirrors they insist on having in the fitness studio don’t lie and I had a scowl on the whole time [it’s my ‘angry at myself’ face and my ‘don’t judge I am aware I suck’ face].  I was appalled for maybe seven whole seconds, fuming ‘what the hell?!!? This chick doesn’t know me!’ then I realized she probably meant my movements. So uncoordinated, so new, so clueless, so sorry, so get me outta here I’ll come back when I’m stronger. I liked the class because it was short (yay) and sweaty and now I’m sore, but I’ll like it a lot better when I’m not so pathetic and slipping in piles of my own sweat while I plank.


4. I am trying to become more adventurous at the gym rather than just ducking into the cardio cinema and then relying on Body Pump for my strength training. Outside of the spin studio, we have this lovely area where nobody ever is. I think it’s the personal training area but I have yet to see a single soul there. It has weights and resistance bands and other wonderful things. The other day I wandered over because it was isolated and semi did a Peanut Butter Fingers circuit (I forget which one it actually was). I say semi because I didn’t know half of the moves. I think I might need to bring print-out descriptions next time.


5. I have a $100 Visa gift card and have been wracking my brain on how to spend it. My mom suggested I spend it on groceries over the next few weeks but that’s boring and way too practical.  I decided I want a heart rate monitor / calorie burner teller watch thing because it would be super helpful as I never really know how effective my workouts are. What’s a good-ish one? halp.


BONUS* because it’s Friday and I’m generous.

Remember when I wrote about how my family was trying to get fit toooo? Well, here is my mom down 30 pounds posing with her two favorite children! She’s down 35 pounds now but this is a few weeks old from when I was in Ocean City. She looks soo good and I’m as proud as a peacock. She’s so devoted to this it’s inspiring. This actually isn’t that great of a picture but I’m obsessed with our labradoodle photobomb’er. We all thought Maggie was out on the porch haha. #diligentpetowners

maggie photobomb


funny story about the rubberband on my right wrist. there isn’t a story. one day i looked down and saw i had a rubberband on my wrist and had no idea of how it got there. i thought this was amusing and didn’t take it off for like three weeks.  i am a weirdo.


***I actually am a jerk for posting this.