On October 3rd, I Asked What Today’s Post Was

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Here’s a story. It was Tuesday, 4:30 a.m. and as usual it was dark out and no one else was around because they are sane. I was locking our back door which always takes a good minute when a voice, which sounds really close, says behind me “Don’t be scared sweetheart.” I jumped out of my damn skin and spun around, about to pee my pants. There was a man sprawled out in the house next door’s parking pad and his head was about half a foot away from my car’s front tire. The house next door is visibly under construction and he was sleeping in the parking pad. He chuckled and said, “Damn. You really jumped.” I managed to stammer out something like that ‘yeah you really startled me! har har har har’ as I walked past him to get to my car. Genius. It was a great wake-up call of sorts [pun intended]. When I walked out the door, I didn’t even see him spread out a foot away, because a) I didn’t turn my head and was still probably half asleep and b) our damn parking pad motion sensor light hasn’t worked for months and we never got around to fixing it.. Whoops. I thought later how embarrassing it would have been if he’d been a murderer and killed me right there in the dark. People would shake their heads and say ‘All the SVU and Criminal Minds she watched? And all those crime books she read? And on her internet trail history…I hear she googled what Elliott Stabler’s birthday was! And that’s how she dies..? Tsk, tsk.” I am, however, quite proud that I did not pee my pants.

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I go back and forth on wanting to live alone someday. As we all know, I like my alone time. I love my house that is beyond my budget and my miraculous parking pad, I am always  proclaiming I’ll never leave but sometimes I read books (I’m currently embroiled in the Stephanie Plum series which is oh so fun. I started it Sunday and I’m on #5 which is kind of bragging but also reminding you how lame my life is) and am envious of the fun heroines who live alone. Although I admit I’d be terrified of things that go bump in the night and that my bachelorette pad would be a dust sanctuary. All I want is my own refrigerator/freezer. Ya know what I mean? I have 3 roommates and our refrigerator is always crammed. It’s a delicate organizational game, which I always place last at. We currently have 5 almond milks, and 4 of them are Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla [1 for each roomie, I guess]. It makes zero sense.

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I have realized a new favorite hobby besides wall-staring, reading, bed lounging, waiting for someone new to view my LinkedIn, leaving hateful comments under pseudonyms on articles about the Kardashians, and watching the pile of clothes on my floor expand: grocery shopping at 6 a.m. It’s so peaceful and quiet. I can spend as long as I want in the aisles without my car getting jostled or hearing a harried persons foot taptaptap as they wait for me to get out of the way so they can grab the Goldfish or whatev. I can stand there as long as I want and debate internally whether or not I should purchase an item. This is especially helpful as I investigate all the things with  my handy dandy Fooducate app because all you have to do is scan a barcode of an item, it gives you a grade and the info about how healthy the item it really is which for a dumdum like me, is perfect.

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Another round of Biggest Loser at work starts on Friday and I’m using this to regroup and get back on track from my latest string of suckiness. This time, we have 15 people competing, as opposed to 6 of last time, so I’m excited.

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The real world is weird. I know at the dawn of every new month I say ‘wow! I can’t believe it’s This Month!’ but seriously. OCTOBER?! I remember standing in the gym locker room hearing the morning anchor exclaim how it was time for baseball season and I thought ‘Damn, already? Baseball season?’ And now, for the Orioles at least, it’s over. How is time going by so fast when I feel like I don’t really do anything? It’s the same thing everyday. It’s just very odd that my days, for the next 40-ish (!) years of my life, will be centered around doing the same thing in the same routine. Wow. How sad.

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I am so glad hockey is back! I’m a Flyers fan, who secretly likes Sidney Crosby because I met him once and he was very nice and adorable with little kids and it made my ovaries blush, but lives in kind-of Caps country. But yes. Hockey is the best sport.

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I am happy at work. There I said it. For the most part. What I really mean is I love the girls in my department so much. My cubicle mate Alex and I joke around all day while working. One day, I was whining about how I’d rather be at home in bed reading [every day] and everyone  [read: other departments] were pissing me off. So I stomped to the cabinet we have in our cubicle corner , withdrew a poster and placed in the small little entrance to our cubicle. Thus, our fence was born.  Our serious response is it’s our version of the office door. Everyone else in our department and most people at the company have offices. Many of them opt to keep their offices doors closed 75% of the time, so we installed our own door. I sent a picture of it to my mom, who promptly called me and said “”You’re going to get fired!” But everyone is highly amused by it and you cannot argue with our logic.

 

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29 thoughts on “On October 3rd, I Asked What Today’s Post Was

  1. 1. That guy would have definitely made me pee my pants-props to you 2. I love grocery shopping during “off” hours and shopping alone. If Scott comes with me he hovers and I feel rushed. Hate that. 3. I tell all of my clients/employees about the Fooducate app- so simple! 4. Super excited for hockey to start too– Go Hawks! 5. LOVE your office door!!

  2. That would have literally scared the shit out of me!! I only will grocery shop when it’s dead- I get way too claustrophobic if their is a lot of people there!

  3. I was reading this post on my walk from the train this morning and I literally turned around like 10 times to make sure nobody was following me. Holy crap that sounds like something straight out of a movie. Grocery shopping on Friday nights is my new favorite time. I think it’s because it’s like a reminder that I have zero life and enjoy going to the store at 8:30pm on a Friady when people are out doing social things that I am not doing. Your front door- I am really tempted to do that to my cubicle here except I don’t think the intern should risk something like that quite yet… It might not leave the greatest impression.

  4. Really!? WHO does that to a person at that hour of the morning? Wow. I would’ve chewed him out. Actually, probably not. But I would have wanted to.
    I live alone and I loveeee it. I seriously never want to go back to having roommates, if I can avoid/afford it. My apartment is super tiny so there is literally nowhere that anyone could hide without me finding them, but little noises still get me sometimes.
    Also, I’m a huge hockey fan too! But I’m a PENS girl all the way. Woo! Love Sidney Crosby…so envious you met him!

    • haha i didn’t even think to possibly chew him out. was too busy trying to remind myself to breathe for at least 20 minutes after the encounter! so jealous you live alone.

  5. Hahahahahahaha!!!! i love the way you write. So funny. Dude, we’re the same with all the SVU watching, so I’m sure I would be embarrassed if I got murdered too. Hilarious that you would be embarrassed for getting killed. I should explain to Meghan that we watch these fucked up shows so hopefully we’ll react quickly enough so we don’t have to be embarrassed. I think about the whole routine/next 40 years/where the fuck am I going in life on a daily basis/god my life is boring thing a lot. I stopped though bc it’s depressing. So now I just try to have fun every day and make the most of each experience. Plus, you and I will probably be murdered before 40 years is up so I wouldn’t worry too much 🙂 I love the office door. And all of your pictures are so perfect. I love Mindy. She’s my favorite.

  6. i love your door idea!! very crafty 🙂 and oh. em. gee. as i was reading about the guy who was there at 4:30 in the morning i instantly pictured if someone said that to me when i leave for the gym (at 5:45 which seems absurdly early til i remember you go at 4:30) but omg i would jump out of my skin too. and also- im seriously afraid of my own shadow- and i love living alone!!! you should do it one day, you’ll love it.

  7. That story is terrifying. I would have screamed! and omg yes I’m a flyers fan too (PHILLYYYY love). But boo for you liking crosby. I can’t imagine having three roomamtes-the most I ever had was two and both of them didn’t really eat so I took up most of the fridge haha.

    • yes i knew i could count on you to echo the flyers love! woohoo. i know, i get mocked relentlessly for the crosby love and i can only offer my defense of “he was good with children!!!” haha. this was also years before the rivalry became even more heated up, to add to my [weak] defense.

  8. First of all – love the title of this post. Mean Girls is by far the best quotable movie ever. If that guy had scared me like that I would’ve had a heart attack…then think of ways to seek revenge the next morning while he’s asleep 🙂

  9. Hahaha, what a jacked up situation! I give Rebekah such a hard time because she watches SO MUCH SVU and I can’t watch it because it gives me nightmares so this real life almost SVU experience would have made me shit myself. hahah I adore wall staring too, it’s really good exercise for your corneas. 🙂 Good work girl! LOL!

  10. I love your ‘office door’ I think it’s brilliant!

    Also I would jumped out of my skin if someone did that to me. Once when I was getting money out of the ATM a man came up and yelled in my ear. I almost kicked him in the nuts…I mean who does that while some one is getting MONEY out?!

  11. It’s about 6 or so weeks into living in a new city and I’m starting to miss my car. Gosh, if I could shop at a Trader Joe’s without a line, I think that would be divine. There was even a line to get IN yesterday. I used to wander the aisles just gazing at goods, but those days are gone.

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