Caitlyn Combat

I honestly don’t even know what to say (cue the ‘so why say anything at all?’). Last night was my first Les Mills body combat class and “butt kicking” even seems too tame to describe it.

For some reason, my gym didn’t see fit to advertise the classes that well, so there were only other three people there. I was excited for the class because I have wanted to try BodyCombat for a while, and because this was the first class my favorite gym location was offering so I knew everyone else would be new to it, for the most part, as well. Not so. The other three people had all taken classes off and on for the past year. Sigh. Here we go again, I thought. I think I should just accept I’ll always be the worst person in the classe.

We were halfway through track 1 and I was already huffing and puffing. I had to stop looking at myself in the mirror because I would start to giggle at how funny I looked, just flinging weak punches at the air. I also received yet another generous reminder that I am horribly uncoordinated. Chris, the instructor, probably thought I had been bedridden for the last two decades and that it was my first day ever in the outside world. I was so behind on the choreography. Even if my life had depended on it, I could not have figured out the counts. At one point, when we were punching like crazy, my two fists knocked into each other which I thought was hilarious yet undeniably pathetic. Great showing of teamwork there, by my brain and my hands.

I also learned that I am a visual learner. The instructor facing us is always helpful for the most part, but at some points when we were doing 1/4 turns then jumps then 1/2 turns the other way then a combo of high kicks and low kicks, I wish he would have had his back to us so I could see what the heck my feet and arms were supposed to be doing and which way and which angle because my brain could not figure out how to make my body do it.

Chris kept yelling at us to think of our enemies and who we hate and want to punch. I couldn’t think of anyone. My best guesses were Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian. At a water break, one of the girls remarked to her friend that she was thinking of the leaders in Syria. I was all “….ohhhh…” I guess that’s a good one to think of, too. Haha. Jeez.

At the end, Chris announced that we just burned between 750-800 calories (!) and the class was the equivalent of 1,000+ crunches. I was all but slumped over thinking I would have preferred the crunches because at least then I would have just been able to be splayed out on the floor the whole time. But now that I’m of sane mind [well, as sane as my mind can be], I know I had fun. Chris said it would take us 4 or 5 classes to get the hang of choreography. I’m just glad that the first class is over with because I can only get better after that disastrous performance.

After class was over, I went to my car and just sat there, trying to process what the hell had just happened. I was so spent, I was thinking I probably shouldn’t operate machinery. And I’m super sore today. But…I can’t wait to go back.