Here’s a scene from last Sunday that I finally got around to writing about.
After I watch all of the Married to Medicine reruns (I hate that show why do I watch it?), I realize at a commercial break that I’m hungry. I think for a nanosecond about it, and yes, I actually feel hungry. So I go downstairs and stare grumpily (ragefully!!) at my refrigerator, mad at the pineapple slices and mad at the celery for being there instead of ice-cream. I then stomp to my pantry and oh hooray, I can eat raisins. I roll my eyes super dramatically for all to see and despair alongside me at my plight. I am not in the mood for any of those things and do not want to eat them.
I strongly debate walking to the CVS a block and a half away from my house to buy a big jar of Nutella and Bagel Bites. Because yes, I am in the mood for those again.
Spoiler: I don’t go to CVS, and eat the raisins with a side of pineapple slices, which are fine but I keep thinking about how I should have gone to CVS because that Nutella and the tray of Bagel Bites sound SO good and would be SOO good. Additionally, walking to CVS would have been exercise!! So I have to keep reminding myself that I made the healthy choice, blah blah. But still.
The thing is, I LIKE all of the healthy food I keep purchasing. I eat it and enjoy it. But……..thoughts that I’d enjoy the chewy chips-ahoy cookies so much more creep in. And oh yes, it’s another post about how hard this is. Yippee. This one has an extra dose of whiny.
My whole ideal plan on Operation: Healthy (unofficial name) was to never deprive myself of anything. It was to rework my eating habits (aka stop overeating), learn more about nutrition and attempt to follow somewhat the 80% healthy-20% unhealthy food plan.
I knew healthy eating and figuring out what is actually healthy and what I actually like that is actually healthy would be hard. It was the transition I overlooked. I didn’t really think too much about how I was trying to change 20+ years of horriblehorriblehorrible eating habits. I thought that I’d skip merrily away from my kitchen, delighted to be eating almonds and carrots, and wouldn’t give the cookies and brownie bites I used to eat almost everyday a second thought.
While I enjoy almonds and carrots, I haven’t grown yet to love them anywhere near as much as I do my unhealthy snacks. They’re nowhere near as delicious as poptarts, and that’s what I constantly find myself thinking about everytime I go to snack. If only I could cook or didn’t haaate baking with every fiber in my being, eh?
I’m beginning to realize also that somewhere in this big mess of “waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don’t know anything” is that my meals are probably not filling enough and that they are lacking somewhere in something, so that that might be why it seems I’m ALWAYS hungry, thus eating? I go to unhealthy foods because I know I love it a lot and will gladly scarf it down until I’m too full. I just restarted using My Fitness Pal this week and it seems I’m either coming in at like 1,100 calories or I’m way over.
But, DUH. Of course cookies and unhealthy food taste better. But they aren’t actually better. I obviously need to try harder to stop thinking about – and stop even thinking about giving in to – “bad” food cravings.
I know I need to work at it, but what I wonder is how long does it take? I yearn for the days when I sit at my desk and think oh my gosh I’d kill for some avocados. Because right now I sit at my desk and crave a big plate of nachos or ice cream. Or the days when I can have two of the cookies my roommate brought home, enjoy them, but quickly forget about them and eat (and enjoy!) carrots instead. I guess I should focus on the positives and think more about how much I do actually like the healthy food, instead of eating it while wishing I could eat allllllllll the snickerdoodles. And I guess just give it time? My least favorite answer ever.
I’m not planning on forgoing desserts and sweet treats forever and understand it’s all balancing act, good things in moderation, it’s natural to crave my unhealthy faves from time to time , but geez. When does eating healthy become second nature? Any tips?