Thinking about this makes me understand why I got a B in Philosophy class

Something that I can’t ever wrap my head around is fate. This has especially been fascinating to me over the last year, as I’ve applied to jobs all over the country, and waited anxiously to see how my life would unfold and work out post-college. I’m only a few steps onto this current path, but for some reason, the other day I was thinking about the other ways it could have worked out. For example, I wondered about the other job offer, the one I didn’t take. The job in a different city, that was laid out on the table at the same time as my other sort-of job offer (read about that here). I didn’t know anyone in that city. Who would I have lived with? Craigslist strangers most likely. Would my house be even half as nice as it is here? Probably not, but the rent would probably be the same. Who would my friends be, especially if I didn’t get along with my roommates? What would life be like in that other city? I opted for the riskier path and it has paid off in dividends. I love my job and foresee a long future here. If I’d taken the other job, I probably wouldn’t love my job, but would my social life be better?

ryan

I know pondering about it is pointless since I obviously live here and not there. It’s not as if I don’t love life here. I do. But it’s still just fun to imagine the road not taken. It blows my mind to think about how at this juncture in my life, I was not meant to be there. Maybe someday my life will take me to that other city, or any other city, but not now. Right now, I’m meant to be here, living in this city, with these  roommates, in this house.

It is especially amazing to me to think about my future husband and where his life was meant to take him. Obviously I fervently hope with everything that our life paths line up somewhere along this journey on Earth and we find each other. But right now, where is he? What is he doing? What’s next for him? Is he the next step for me, but I’m still a few steps away for him? God, I hope he’s in this city. I plan on staying here awhile and in May, I turn 24 years old! Family members are starting to mention to me their desire to attend a family wedding and they bemoan that I’m the best hope we have (isn’t that pathetic? Ha) It’s fun and a little bit scary to think about if he is in this city. Not to sound creepy, but where? HOW DO I GET TO YOU, FUTURE HUSBAND? Are you my neighbor? Do you work a few floors down from my office? Are you that guy I gave the fake name to at the bar because I was in a bad mood and I thought your game was terrible? Are you that guy that stood behind me in line at the ONLY open register at the grocery store and I couldn’t look at you because I was so embarrassed to be seen buying a plunger? (I swear, I realized I didn’t have one and wanted to get one before I desperately needed one. Think about needing a plunger and how awful it would be to not have one. THAT’S WHY! Make fun of me all you want, this story will never change, sweet future husband).

It’s just surreal to think that in a few minutes, when I leave work and walk toward the parking garage, my future husband could be walking toward me on the street and I might not even notice him, because I’m not meant to notice him for a few more weeks, months, *whimpers* maybe even years. At some point in my life, I could have been in line behind him at Subway or pumping gas across from him and at the moment, would have had NO idea that the guy I’d spend the rest of my life with was so near. Blows.my.freaking.mind.

Then, of course, there’s the rare thought of: “Am I screwing up this fate thing somehow?” Like, that one night in October, when I had no income, and turned down a night out at the bar with my roommates because I didn’t have money. What if he had happened to be there? What if that was supposed to be THE night I met my future husband and I screwed up and wasn’t there? But then, I reason with myself, that’s not how fate works. I was meant to turn that down. Wasn’t I? Ugh. This is why I don’t think too hard or too frequently about this. It makes my head hurt and stresses me out.

If you read this post and are terrified of me, fear not. This post is the dialogue from my head put to blog-post. I’m not a psycho. I don’t think every guy I pass by or meet is my future husband. I’m not trying to get married this year. I’m just reflecting on my life journey and thinking too hard at the moment about how exactly it’ll work out. I am that girl who always asks married couples that I’m friendly with “How did you two meet?” This is because their story is always unique and I’m amazed at how two peoples’ lives just line up at the precisely perfect moment, they meet, and from then on, their paths are intertwined forever.

Does anyone else think about stuff like this, or is it mainly reserved for bored, hopeless romantics like me?

Also…is anyone else completely blown away that it’s (very nearly) MARCH?! I’ve been praying winter would be over, but suddenly we’re in March and I’m confused and panicked about it. Time goes so fast!

Aloha to My First Aloha Friday!!

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One thought on “Thinking about this makes me understand why I got a B in Philosophy class

  1. Pingback: Anywhere I Choose To Go | city & the cubicle

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